{"id":3275,"date":"2012-12-21T21:41:54","date_gmt":"2012-12-22T02:41:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=3275"},"modified":"2012-12-21T21:41:54","modified_gmt":"2012-12-22T02:41:54","slug":"the-hobbesian-horoscope-122112","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=3275","title":{"rendered":"The Hobbesian Horoscope, 12\/21\/12"},"content":{"rendered":"

Happy End of the World!\u00a0 It’s the last day of the Mayan Calendar, and so you won’t have another chance to catch up with your own personal astrological future. Your upcoming week – won’t happen.\u00a0 It’s over, dude!<\/p>\n

\"Aries\"Aries (The Ram):\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0 No horoscope needed – world’s going to end. \u00a0High-risk disease you won’t be getting this week:\u00a0 Pelvic Inflammatory Disease.<\/p>\n

\"Taurus\"Taurus (The Bull):\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0Dude, the world’s going to end, no horoscope this week – or ever again.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"GeminiGemini (The<\/em> Twins<\/em>):\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Dude, it’s the end of the world as we know it.\u00a0 How do you feel?\u00a0 High-risk disease you won’t be getting this week:\u00a0 Rift Valley Fever.<\/p>\n

\"CancerCancer (The Crab):\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0You should have ordered those flowers to be delivered sooner – too late now!<\/p>\n

\"Leo\"Leo (The Lion):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Hey, if you were planning on getting one last ride in, tonight’s the night.\u00a0 Don’t need to worry about leaving the gas on the stove, you know?\u00a0 Enjoy the end of the world!\u00a0 High-risk disease you won’t be getting this week:\u00a0 Tinea Cruris.<\/p>\n

\"VirgoVirgo (The Virgin):\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0That’s it – if you’re a virgin now, you’re going to dance with the unicorns in the next life.\u00a0 Not getting laid next week.<\/p>\n

\"Libra\"Libra (The Scale):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0No worries about bad things happening next week – nor good things, for that matter.\u00a0 You’re done.\u00a0 We’re all done.\u00a0 Buh-Bye.\u00a0 High-risk disease you won’t be getting this week:\u00a0 Rhinovirus.<\/p>\n

\"Scorpio\"Scorpio (The Scorpion):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0If you *were* going to have a week, it would be filled with recuperating and getting better slowly.\u00a0 But you’re not.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"SagittariusSagittarius (The Archer):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Thank you for enjoying the end of the world.\u00a0 Please exit through the gift shop.\u00a0 No week to worry about next week.\u00a0 High-risk disease you won’t be getting this week:\u00a0 Rickettsia.<\/p>\n

\"Capricorn\"Capricorn (The Sea-Goat):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0Man, why are you still reading this?\u00a0 World = over.\u00a0 Forget it.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Aquarius\"Aquarius (The Water Bearer):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Mother always did love you best.\u00a0 High-risk disease you won’t be getting this week:\u00a0 Shingles.<\/p>\n

\"Pisces\"Pisces (The Fish):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0Those Mayans had better have been right.\u00a0<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Big Ugly Horoscope. Catch up with your own personal astroillogical future for the weekend and next week – your daily dose of destiny under your sign.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[54],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3275"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3275"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3275\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3397,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3275\/revisions\/3397"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3275"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3275"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3275"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}