{"id":3274,"date":"2012-12-14T16:29:17","date_gmt":"2012-12-14T21:29:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=3274"},"modified":"2012-12-14T16:29:17","modified_gmt":"2012-12-14T21:29:17","slug":"the-hobbesian-horoscope-121412","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=3274","title":{"rendered":"The Hobbesian Horoscope, 12\/14\/12"},"content":{"rendered":"

On this Friday, 12\/14\/12, in light of the recent and tragic events in Newtown, Connecticut, I’ve decided\u00a0there’s enough nastiness,\u00a0brutality, and\u00a0horror\u00a0in the world today.\u00a0 This time, everybody reading this\u00a0gets to have a nice week for a change.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0So please\u00a0keep the families in Newtown in your hearts today, and read on for your own personal astrological future!\u00a0 Read without fear!\u00a0 \u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Aries\"Aries (The Ram):\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0You won’t believe your luck this week, when that person you’ve been glancing at finally glances back – and smiles.<\/p>\n

\"Taurus\"Taurus (The Bull):\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0This week, you will find something stuck to the bottom of your shoe.\u00a0 Disgust will cycle quickly to elation when you notice it’s a $20 bill.\u00a0 High-risk disease you’ll narrowly avoid this week:\u00a0 Parasitic Fly Larvae.<\/p>\n

\"GeminiGemini (The<\/em> Twins<\/em>):\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Like Harry Freakin’ Potter, you’re going to suffer, but you’re going to feel good about it.\u00a0 More to the point, you’re going to feel better afterward.\u00a0 A lot better!<\/p>\n

\"CancerCancer (The Crab):\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0The contract you put that proposal in for last month will finally be awarded to someone else – but when the protest is settled, they’ll be thrown out and you’ll be chosen! \u00a0High-risk disease you’ll narrowly avoid this week:\u00a0 Scabies.<\/p>\n

\"Leo\"Leo (The Lion):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0You will learn great things this week, that may change the way you see the world – for the better.\u00a0 As a bonus, there will be beer involved!<\/p>\n

\"VirgoVirgo (The Virgin):\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0All your diseases will be in remission this week – at the same time!\u00a0 Enjoy your first\u00a0 week completely rash-free since 2007! \u00a0\u00a0High-risk disease you’ll narrowly avoid this week:\u00a0 Pasteurellosis.<\/p>\n

\"Libra\"Libra (The Scale):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Time magazine may pass you over for Man of the Year again this week, but you’ll be widely recognized as “one cool and froody dude.”\u00a0 \u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Scorpio\"Scorpio (The Scorpion):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0You will get help from friends you didn’t even know you had this week, plus from many that you did.\u00a0 You will learn from this, and be enriched – in your mind and in your heart.\u00a0 High-risk disease you’ll narrowly avoid this week:\u00a0 Rat-Bite Fever.<\/p>\n

\"SagittariusSagittarius (The Archer):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0The awesomeness of your week can only be described with the following words:\u00a0 Naked kitten cupcakes!<\/p>\n

\"Capricorn\"Capricorn (The Sea-Goat):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0The mandatory training in your office that you were putting off and putting off taking will be cancelled this week.\u00a0 Remember, hard work may pay off later, but procrastination always pays off right now.\u00a0 High-risk disease you’ll narrowly avoid this week:\u00a0 Toxoplasmosis.<\/p>\n

\"Aquarius\"Aquarius (The Water Bearer):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0For a pleasant change, your computer will actually work without that annoying buzzing noise – all week!<\/p>\n

\"Pisces\"Pisces (The Fish):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0No, really, you deserve a decent week.\u00a0 This week,\u00a0you will actually complete almost 90 percent of the things you start!\u00a0\u00a0High-risk disease you’ll narrowly avoid this week:\u00a0 Pediculosis Pubis.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Big Ugly Horoscope. Catch up with your own personal astroillogical future for the weekend and next week – your daily dose of destiny under your sign.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[14,54],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3274"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3274"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3274\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3391,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3274\/revisions\/3391"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3274"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3274"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3274"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}