{"id":3273,"date":"2012-12-07T16:31:04","date_gmt":"2012-12-07T21:31:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=3273"},"modified":"2012-12-07T16:31:04","modified_gmt":"2012-12-07T21:31:04","slug":"the-hobbesian-horoscope-12712","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=3273","title":{"rendered":"The Hobbesian Horoscope, 12\/7\/12"},"content":{"rendered":"

Friday, December 7th – a day that shall live in infamy, but hopefully not because of your horoscope.\u00a0 It’s another chance to catch up with your own personal astrological future. Your upcoming week will be poor, nasty, brutish, and short – but don’t let it get you down!\u00a0 Read on!<\/p>\n

\"Aries\"Aries (The Ram):\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0While getting ready for the holidays, you will have a tragic baking-related accident.\u00a0 Those pastries can take your head off, man.\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Kingella.<\/p>\n

\"Taurus\"Taurus (The Bull):\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0You really need to get out more.\u00a0 It won’t make you feel better, but hey.<\/p>\n

\"GeminiGemini (The<\/em> Twins<\/em>):\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0This will be a good week for getting back into the swing of things, like surgery.\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Lockjaw.<\/p>\n

\"CancerCancer (The Crab):\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0This week you will start taking 10,000 IUs of vitamin D.\u00a0 Every day.\u00a0 By Wednesday, you’ll feel better than you have in years.\u00a0 By Thursday, you won’t remember your name.\u00a0 Remember to taper off!<\/p>\n

\"Leo\"Leo (The Lion):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0It’s a great week for watermelon.\u00a0 They’re not in season, though, so you’ll have to make due with grapes.\u00a0 Think of them as tiny watermelons and you’ll be find.\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Metagonimiasis.<\/p>\n

\"VirgoVirgo (The Virgin):\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0You don’t even want to get out of\u00a0bed this week.\u00a0 Just stay under the covers – your pillow is calling.\u00a0 It’ll be worth it – there’s nothing out there you’re going to enjoy this week.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Libra\"Libra (The Scale):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Paracoccidioidomycosis.<\/p>\n

\"Scorpio\"Scorpio (The Scorpion):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0You will embark on a dangerous mission this week, one from which you might not return.\u00a0 That’s right – it’s time to raid the castle!\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"SagittariusSagittarius (The Archer):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0You’re the best, and you know it, because you say<\/strong> you are.\u00a0 That’s all it takes.\u00a0 The rest of them can just crawl at your feet!\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Molluscum.<\/p>\n

\"Capricorn\"Capricorn (The Sea-Goat):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0On Tuesday, you’ll notice that it’s cold outside, and bring your coat.\u00a0 On Wednesday, you’ll notice that it’s cold outside, and wonder where the hell you left your coat – and pants.\u00a0 On Thursday, you’ll notice that it’s cold outside, and remember bits and pieces of Tuesday night, but not enough to figure out where your clothes ended up.\u00a0 Oh, and you might want to get that tested.<\/p>\n

\"Aquarius\"Aquarius (The Water Bearer):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0You will travel to Paraguay this week, but not for vacation.\u00a0 You will need to find a 1500 year old stone\u00a0artifact, a Zippo lighter from WWII, and\u00a0an Angry Birds doll if you hope to make it home alive!\u00a0Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Paragonimiasis.<\/p>\n

\"Pisces\"Pisces (The Fish):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0This week, you should really try to get off Facebook and find a life.\u00a0 You’re not even writing anymore.\u00a0 Sheesh.\u00a0<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Big Ugly Horoscope. Catch up with your own personal astroillogical future for the weekend and next week – your daily dose of destiny under your sign.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[54],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3273"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3273"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3273\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3364,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3273\/revisions\/3364"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3273"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3273"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3273"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}