{"id":3269,"date":"2012-11-09T08:29:06","date_gmt":"2012-11-09T13:29:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=3269"},"modified":"2012-11-09T08:29:06","modified_gmt":"2012-11-09T13:29:06","slug":"the-hobbesian-horoscope-11912","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=3269","title":{"rendered":"The Hobbesian Horoscope, 11\/9\/12"},"content":{"rendered":"

Happy Friday!\u00a0 It’s another chance to catch up with your own personal astrological future. Your upcoming week will be poor, nasty, brutish, and short – but don’t let it get you down!\u00a0 Read on!<\/p>\n

\"Aries\"Aries (The Ram):\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0You’ll start taking 20,000 i.u.’s of vitamin D this week, but it won’t help.\u00a0 Mind you, the problem is your upside-down mortgage – the vitamins won’t help any more than those other pills did.\u00a0Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Cryptococcosis.<\/p>\n

\"Taurus\"Taurus (The Bull):\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0You will spend far too many hours this week sorting all the Smarties in the leftover Halloween candy into their respective color groups.\u00a0 You say statistical comparative spectral analysis, I say OCD.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"GeminiGemini (The<\/em> Twins<\/em>):\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0It should be a nice week outdoors, which you won’t see, since you’ll be tied up inside most of the week.\u00a0 Don’t worry, you’ll come outside eventually.\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Kuru Kuru.<\/p>\n

\"CancerCancer (The Crab):\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0Remember that time you got really drunk on that Pacific Island vacation and decided that you, too, could walk across that bed of hot coals?\u00a0 This week probably isn’t a good week to recreate that lost glory.\u00a0 Make sure someone has 911 on speed-dial.<\/p>\n

\"Leo\"Leo (The Lion):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0This week you will run across your old rhyming dictionary from school and spend the next 3 hours talking in iambic septameter couplets.\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Gerstmann-Str\u00e4ussler-Scheinker Syndrome.\u00a0 (His syndrome is my syndrome, too!)<\/p>\n

\"VirgoVirgo (The Virgin):\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0This is a good week\u00a0for getting done all those things you meant to get done last week.\u00a0 You won’t, but it would be a good week for it.\u00a0 \u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Libra\"Libra (The Scale):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0You will plumb the depths of your soul this week, cleaning out the psychic lint that’s been accumulating for years.\u00a0 Remember to sweep behind your id.\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Herpes.<\/p>\n

\"Scorpio\"Scorpio (The Scorpion):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0You will unexpectedly find that you have a few minutes to yourself this week, yet you will inexplicably waste them watching crime TV while drawing on yourself with Sharpie markers.\u00a0 By Thursday, you’ll wish you’d gone to bed instead.<\/p>\n

\"SagittariusSagittarius (The Archer):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0You will lose yourself in a good movie this week, and then find yourself\u00a0in a good\u00a0restaurant the next day.\u00a0 The downside is not remembering how you got from one to the other.\u00a0 Don’t sweat it.\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease.<\/p>\n

\"Capricorn\"Capricorn (The Sea-Goat):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0 It’s all rainbows this week, but you’re still not going to find the pot of gold at the end of it – and you’re likely to hurt yourself if you keep driving like that in the rain.\u00a0 Look, play the lottery – it’s easier, and you’ve got a better chance of winning than of finding the end of the rainbow.\u00a0 Don’t be dumb.<\/p>\n

\"Aquarius\"Aquarius (The Water Bearer):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0You know, I don’t like Aquarius as a rule, but you’re getting a buy this week.\u00a0 Enjoy it if you can.\u00a0\u00a0Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Giardiasis.<\/p>\n

\"Pisces\"Pisces (The Fish):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0 It’s another week of heartbreak and drudgery.\u00a0\u00a0 You need to find a new drug – one that won’t make you sick, make you talk to much, or make your head feel three feet thick.\u00a0 Good luck with that.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Big Ugly Horoscope. Catch up with your own personal astroillogical future for the weekend and next week – your daily dose of destiny under your sign.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[54],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3269"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3269"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3269\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3322,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3269\/revisions\/3322"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3269"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3269"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3269"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}