{"id":3268,"date":"2012-11-02T19:43:46","date_gmt":"2012-11-03T00:43:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=3268"},"modified":"2012-11-02T19:43:46","modified_gmt":"2012-11-03T00:43:46","slug":"the-hobbesian-horoscope-11212","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=3268","title":{"rendered":"The Hobbesian Horoscope, 11\/2\/12"},"content":{"rendered":"

Happy Friday!\u00a0 It’s another chance to catch up with your own personal astrological future. Your upcoming week will be poor, nasty, brutish, and short – but don’t let it get you down!\u00a0 Read on!<\/p>\n

\"Aries\"Aries (The Ram):\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0Once again this week you will set breathtakingly low goals for yourself and still somehow\u00a0fail to achieve them.\u00a0 Your mother would be so proud.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Taurus\"Taurus (The Bull):\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0Do you remember your 78th sexual partner?\u00a0 I didn’t think so, but they sure remember you, and they’re looking you up on Facebook right now.\u00a0 You’re in for an interesting week.\u00a0 Hey, it’ll be like college all over again, except without the grades, pot, and free condoms from that clinic.\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Chlamydia.<\/p>\n

\"GeminiGemini (The<\/em> Twins<\/em>):\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0This will be a week of transitions.\u00a0 Some things need to pass out of your life\u00a0while new things pass into it.\u00a0 Change can be painful.\u00a0 Drinking heavily is key.<\/p>\n

\"CancerCancer (The Crab):\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0This week you will be offered a position as an unsalaried lecturer in internal medicine by your best friend’s cousin’s\u00a0hairdresser’s daughter;\u00a0if you accept, your life will be forever changed.\u00a0 Choose wisely.\u00a0Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Ehrlichiosis.<\/p>\n

\"Leo\"Leo (The Lion):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0This week, while researching your ancestry you will realize that you are technically in the line of succession for the Scottish throne.\u00a0 If 387 people were to suddenly have interesting and mysterious accidents…<\/p>\n

\"VirgoVirgo (The Virgin):\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0You’ve always wanted to skydive.\u00a0 This is NOT the week for trying it.\u00a0 You don’t really even want to\u00a0try skipping the last step\u00a0this week – gravity is not your friend.\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Gnathostomiasis.<\/p>\n

\"Libra\"Libra (The Scale):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0If you had only one nerve left this week, someone would get on it, wouldn’t they?\u00a0 Touchy, touchy.\u00a0 Try to relax.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Scorpio\"Scorpio (The Scorpion):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0This is great week for heads down rock and roll, along with learning to put up with people who make more noise that anyone would think possible.\u00a0 Just because you’re smarter than they are doesn’t mean you can walk all over them – except in class.\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Hookworm.<\/p>\n

\"SagittariusSagittarius (The Archer):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0You’ll feel powerful and liberated this week.\u00a0 Hey, enjoy it – it won’t last.\u00a0 Live it up!<\/p>\n

\"Capricorn\"Capricorn (The Sea-Goat):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0You’re really losing it.\u00a0 By Wednesday, you’ll be quoting Shogun and wondering why your parents don’t call more often.\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Isosporiasis.<\/p>\n

\"Aquarius\"Aquarius (The Water Bearer):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0This is a good week to just keep your head down.\u00a0 People have had enough of the whole\u00a0water thing with the hurricane, you know?\u00a0 \u00a0Shut up and keep bailing.<\/p>\n

\"Pisces\"Pisces (The Fish):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0 Are you laughing yet?\u00a0 Do I look like Bozo the fucking Clown to you?\u00a0 This would be a good week for considering\u00a0things you’ve never wanted to know about men, but were afraid to ask. \u00a0Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Elephantiasis.\u00a0 You know where, too.\u00a0 Ouch!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Big Ugly Horoscope. Catch up with your own personal astroillogical future for the weekend and next week – your daily dose of destiny under your sign.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[54],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3268"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3268"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3268\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3318,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3268\/revisions\/3318"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3268"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3268"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3268"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}