{"id":3267,"date":"2012-10-26T18:14:31","date_gmt":"2012-10-26T23:14:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=3267"},"modified":"2012-10-26T18:14:31","modified_gmt":"2012-10-26T23:14:31","slug":"the-hobbesian-horoscope-102612","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=3267","title":{"rendered":"The Hobbesian Horoscope, 10\/26\/12"},"content":{"rendered":"

Happy Friday – the last one in October!\u00a0 Halloween is coming up – along with\u00a0another chance to catch up with your own personal astrological future. Your upcoming week will be poor, nasty, brutish, and short – but don’t let it get you down!\u00a0 Read on!<\/p>\n

\"Aries\"Aries (The Ram):\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0 This is a good week for emergency preparedness, or it would have been if you’d been prepared for the emergency.\u00a0 But you weren’t. \u00a0Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Cutaneous Larva Migrans.<\/p>\n

\"Taurus\"Taurus (The Bull):\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0You will be rated as non-exempt in your job position this week, which sounds great until you realize it’s because your position is being reclassified as “expendable.”\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"GeminiGemini (The<\/em> Twins<\/em>):\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0You\u00a0will think it a shame this week that you get to feeling better because you’re not feeling any pain.\u00a0 Run with it – not all pain is gain. \u00a0Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Cyclosporiasis.<\/p>\n

\"CancerCancer (The Crab):\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0This would have been a good week to stock up on vitamins.\u00a0 And by vitamins I mean alcohol.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Leo\"Leo (The Lion):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0What the hell are you going to do with all those avocados?\u00a0 Your grocery cart looks like a punch line or a middle school math problem.\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Cytomegalovirus.<\/p>\n

\"VirgoVirgo (The Virgin):\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0You may\u00a0ask yourself this week where that highway goes to, and how you got there, and what you’ve done.\u00a0 These are all good questions.\u00a0 Good luck with your quest.<\/p>\n

\"Libra\"Libra (The Scale):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0As you listen to the words of your favorite song when it comes over the radio in the shopping mall, you will realize you’ve been mis-hearing that one line your whole life, and you will never again feel clean.\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Diphyllobothriasis.<\/p>\n

\"Scorpio\"Scorpio (The Scorpion):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0It’s your birthday, all week.\u00a0 Get down with your bad self.<\/p>\n

\"SagittariusSagittarius (The Archer):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0When the dragon comes this week, you can tell it no thanks, you’ve been once already, and to go find someone else.\u00a0 Mind you, dragons are notorious for not listening too well.\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Dracunculiasis.<\/p>\n

\"Capricorn\"Capricorn (The Sea-Goat):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0The good:\u00a0 Your life is like a book.\u00a0 The bad:\u00a0 With a lousy title.\u00a0 The ugly:\u00a0 By Stephenie Meyer.<\/p>\n

\"Aquarius\"Aquarius (The Water Bearer):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0You will make a concerted effort this week to read that book you’ve been meaning to read.\u00a0 You’ll fall asleep with the lights on 4 out of 5 nights.\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Ebola Hemorrhagic Fever.<\/p>\n

\"Pisces\"Pisces (The Fish):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0When you dream this week, you will dream of sleeping.\u00a0 When you dream that you wake up, you won’t really be sure until you eat dinner, when you accidentally bite your tongue and wake yourself up again.\u00a0 That night, you’ll bite your tongue at dinner and curse this blog post, saying “darn you, Big Ugly Man Doll!”\u00a0<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Big Ugly Horoscope. Catch up with your own personal astroillogical future for the weekend and next week – your daily dose of destiny under your sign.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[54],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3267"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3267"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3267\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3313,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3267\/revisions\/3313"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3267"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3267"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3267"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}