{"id":3217,"date":"2012-09-14T12:39:46","date_gmt":"2012-09-14T17:39:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=3217"},"modified":"2012-09-14T12:39:46","modified_gmt":"2012-09-14T17:39:46","slug":"the-hobbesian-horoscope-91412","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=3217","title":{"rendered":"The Hobbesian Horoscope, 9\/14\/12"},"content":{"rendered":"

Happy Friday!\u00a0 It won’t be happy, of course, but it’s better than a sharp blow to your all-too-fragile ego.\u00a0\u00a0 Or, maybe it’s not, but it is another chance to catch up with your own personal astrological future. Your upcoming week will be poor, nasty, brutish, and short – but don’t let it get you down!\u00a0 Read on!<\/p>\n

\"Aries\"Aries (The Ram):\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0This week, the flashbacks you’ve been having to\u00a0your days in Vietnam will intensify.\u00a0 Since your days in Vietnam were spent in a posh hotel in the Hanoi shopping\u00a0district\u00a0for a two week vacation last summer, don’t expect a lot of sympathy. \u00a0Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Root Knot.<\/p>\n

\"Taurus\"Taurus (The Bull):\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0You’re not really going to wear that out of the house, are you?\u00a0 Do you not have a mirror?\u00a0 Geez.<\/p>\n

\"GeminiGemini (The<\/em> Twins<\/em>):\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0This is a good week to stay off your toe.\u00a0 And foot.\u00a0 And leg.\u00a0 And, in fact, the other leg.\u00a0 You should really just relax.\u00a0 This is a good week for taking it easy and building up your endurance for the NEXT week.\u00a0 You’re going to need it.\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Wart Potato Disease.<\/p>\n

\"CancerCancer (The Crab):\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0Every once in a while, you get a day so nice that nothing bad happening can really affect it; you’re just serenely calm and all’s well with the world.\u00a0 You won’t be having one of those days this week.\u00a0 Next week doesn’t look good either.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Leo\"Leo (The Lion):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0This week you will truly, deeply\u00a0find the truth about programming, which is\u00a0the art of debugging an empty text file, and writing, which is the art of staring at a blank screen until drops of blood form on your forehead. \u00a0Your life will not actually be made any simpler by knowing this.\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Anaplasmosis.<\/p>\n

\"VirgoVirgo (The Virgin):\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0They say that an hour can be forever in the eyes of a child.\u00a0 That child would be the one on the plane in the seat in front of you, and the hour will be spent screaming its head off.\u00a0 Trust me on the forever part.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Libra\"Libra (The Scale):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0 Your new obsession with free fall and skydiving will end very, very suddenly this week.\u00a0 Please make sure your premiums are paid up. \u00a0Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Sarcocystosis.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Scorpio\"Scorpio (The Scorpion):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0This is a good week for bothering other people about doing what you want to do.\u00a0 They won’t, but you’ll enjoy bothering them about it.\u00a0 Bother Bother Bother.<\/p>\n

\"SagittariusSagittarius (The Archer):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yes, people out there really are turning music into gold.\u00a0 In the meantime, you should\u00a0get a tattoo on your right upper thigh.\u00a0\u00a0Remember,\u00a0pics or it didn’t happen. \u00a0Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Clostridium Chauvoei.<\/p>\n

\"Capricorn\"Capricorn (The Sea-Goat):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Your careful cautious reserve will bite you in the ass this week when your 6th Grade nemesis shows up in a leather jacket and tight jeans, smoking a pack of Devil May Care and swilling expensive moonshine, and steals your girl.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Aquarius\"Aquarius (The Water Bearer):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Like a salmon desperately swimming upstream to fuck and die, your libido is going to get you in trouble again this week.\u00a0 Also like a salmon, this trouble will involve an unexpected\u00a0bear.\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Digital Dermatitis.<\/p>\n

\"Pisces\"Pisces (The Fish):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0This is\u00a0a good week for resting on your laurels and enjoying all the projects you’re thinking about finishing one of\u00a0these days.\u00a0 You won’t have a chance, mind you, but this would have been a\u00a0good week for it.\u00a0 \u00a0<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Big Ugly Horoscope. Catch up with your own personal astroillogical future for the weekend and next week – your daily dose of destiny under your sign.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[54],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3217"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3217"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3217\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3237,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3217\/revisions\/3237"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3217"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3217"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3217"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}