{"id":319,"date":"2010-03-23T20:36:26","date_gmt":"2010-03-24T00:36:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=319"},"modified":"2010-03-23T20:36:26","modified_gmt":"2010-03-24T00:36:26","slug":"i-went-to-the-zoo-and-it-sucked","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=319","title":{"rendered":"i went to the zoo and it sucked"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sometimes, you take the kids to the zoo and not one critter is available for your viewing pleasure, or they’re out but they just lay there like logs, or they’re not doing anything you want to have to explain to the kids so you walk past the monkey enclosure very fast<\/em>. Take the kids home and read them this.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

The Aardvarks ate arsenic, they died with a frown
\nThe Bears bit their keepers and they all were put down
\nThe Cougar got loose, dunno where she’s at
\nAnd the Dingoes dropped dead, life’s tough and that’s that
\nThe Elephant’s absent, not tardy or late
\nThe Falcon found something unkind on his plate
\nGiraffes have been gone now for many a year
\nBut the Horses have only stepped out for a beer
\nThe Iguanas just lay there, they might just be dead
\nJust like the Jackals, who never got fed
\nAnd the Kangaroo’s hopping right out of the gate
\nAnd Lion’s case worker’s been left to his fate
\nAnd the Manatee left with a “love you long time”
\nAnd the Naked Mole Rat got a job fighting crime
\nThe Owls are all gone, they were too wise to stay
\nAnd the Panda’s been recalled – to where, I can’t say
\nA Queen Snake got loose and she caused quite a stir
\nAlong with a Rattler that Queenie called “Sir”
\nThe Sea Lion sabbatical has twice been prolonged
\nAnd the Tapir beat feet, tapped his hooves, said “so long”
\nAn Upland gorilla got a job writing code
\nThe Vulture found dinner on the other side of the road
\nThe Wombat is talking to old Charles Fort
\nAnd the Xenopus Frog has found a new sport
\nAnd the Yak’s in Tibet, ’cause this place was too hot
\nAnd the Zebra changed stripes, ’cause his new name is Spot
\nYeah I went to the zoo, ’cause there’s so much to see
\nBut the only one left in the whole place was me!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sometimes, you take the kids to the zoo and not one critter is available for your viewing pleasure, or they’re out but they just lay there like logs, or they’re not doing anything you want to have to explain to the kids so you walk past the monkey enclosure very fast. Take the kids home […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[61,3,5,32,10],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/319"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=319"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/319\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":333,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/319\/revisions\/333"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=319"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=319"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=319"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}