{"id":3139,"date":"2012-08-31T09:59:48","date_gmt":"2012-08-31T14:59:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=3139"},"modified":"2012-08-30T17:15:13","modified_gmt":"2012-08-30T22:15:13","slug":"the-hobbesian-horoscope-83112","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=3139","title":{"rendered":"The Hobbesian Horoscope, 8\/31\/12"},"content":{"rendered":"

Happy Friday, here at the end of all things August!\u00a0 It’s another chance to catch up with your own personal astrological future. Your upcoming week will be poor, nasty, brutish, and short – but don’t let it get you down! Read on!<\/p>\n

\"Aries\"Aries (The Ram):\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Tough break this week on Tuesday; who knew your phone would fit through the gap in that escalator?\u00a0 Crushed and mangled, just like your dreams.\u00a0 Bummer.\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0\u00a0Argentine Hemorrhagic Fever.<\/p>\n

\"Taurus\"Taurus (The Bull):\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0You’ll want to avoid seafood this week.\u00a0 And undercooked meats.\u00a0 And most forms of blue cheese.\u00a0 And, um, how to put this delicately – skip the beans, right?\u00a0 In fact, this is a good week to start that diet.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"GeminiGemini (The<\/em> Twins):\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0Your double life as a mild-mannered housewife and action-packed crime fighter will be revealed this week; your cover will be blown.\u00a0 Should have had that cape laundered somewhere else, Wonder Girl!\u00a0\u00a0Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0\u00a0 Hendra Virus.<\/p>\n

\"CancerCancer (The Crab):\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0An error will occur in an application you were using.\u00a0 Data about the error will be sent to your company.\u00a0 They’re going to use this in the court proceedings, you know.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Leo\"Leo (The Lion):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0This is a good week for getting ready for things, by which I mean reviewing your times tables – you know you\u00a0can’t remember 8 times 7 without using your fingers.\u00a0 Hop to it!\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0\u00a0 Histoplasmosis.<\/p>\n

\"VirgoVirgo (The Virgin):\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0It’s your birthday; live it up!\u00a0 Have that extra latte.\u00a0 Next week will be back on your head.<\/p>\n

\"Libra\"Libra (The Scale):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0You will be invited to the opening of the new dance\u00a0hall in your area this week.\u00a0 Unfortunately, it’s a head shop in the back, and you’re going to be arrested with the\u00a0rest of the crowd.\u00a0\u00a0Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0\u00a0 Corridor Disease.<\/p>\n

\"Scorpio\"Scorpio (The Scorpion):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0School will prove too cool for itself, and you will have to party on your own this week.\u00a0 Keep a disco ball in your locker.<\/p>\n

\"SagittariusSagittarius (The Archer):<\/em>\u00a0 This is the kind of week where, when you have a job interview, the only question you’ll be asked is, “If you were a tree…”\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0\u00a0 Amebic Meningoencephalitis.<\/p>\n

\"Capricorn\"Capricorn (The Sea-Goat):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0You will look out your window and see 25 little brown wrens and a single blue jay this Tuesday.\u00a0 As you wonder what it could mean, remember that the blue jay is as freaked out as you are.<\/p>\n

\"Aquarius\"Aquarius (The Water Bearer):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0You will do your happy dance on Monday, but it will prove premature.\u00a0\u00a0Had you only trimmed your toenails, you might have gotten that part!\u00a0\u00a0Ah, there’s always next week.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Til then, booze.\u00a0 \u00a0Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0\u00a0 Epizootic Ulcerative Syndrome.<\/p>\n

\"Pisces\"Pisces (The Fish):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0All that decaf will catch up with you this week; you’ll be\u00a0falling asleep in the checkout line at the shoe store.\u00a0 Take a power nap\u00a0before you go out, just in case.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Big Ugly Horoscope. Catch up with your own personal astroillogical future for the weekend and next week – your daily dose of destiny under your sign.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[54],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3139"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3139"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3139\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3176,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3139\/revisions\/3176"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3139"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3139"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3139"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}