{"id":2818,"date":"2012-06-02T11:16:57","date_gmt":"2012-06-02T16:16:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=2818"},"modified":"2012-06-02T14:34:03","modified_gmt":"2012-06-02T19:34:03","slug":"the-hobbesian-horoscope-6112","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=2818","title":{"rendered":"The Hobbesian Horoscope, 6\/1\/12"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Happy Friday and yeah, I know, I&#8217;m late.   Here is, once again, another chance to catch up with your own personal astrological future. Your upcoming week will be poor, nasty, brutish, and short &#8211; but don&#8217;t let it get you down! Read on!<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" title=\"Aries\" src=\"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/ari.gif\" alt=\"Aries\" width=\"20\" height=\"20\" \/><em>Aries (The Ram): <\/em>  This is a good week for your new gastronomic pastimes, but I&#8217;m still not eating that bushmeat.  Touch it!  Touch the monkey!<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" title=\"Taurus\" src=\"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/tau.gif\" alt=\"Taurus\" width=\"20\" height=\"20\" \/><em>Taurus (The Bull): <\/em>    You are a highly political animal, and your ideas about forming a Subcommittee for Subcommittee Formation Oversight will be met with thunderous applause this week.  Your high-risk disease this week:  Chickenpox.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" title=\"Gemini \" src=\"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/gem.gif\" alt=\"Gemini \" width=\"20\" height=\"20\" \/><em>Gemini (The Twins):  <\/em> This is your week to rest up and catch up before your weeks move into complete crazy mode.  Enjoy it while you can; it won&#8217;t last.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" title=\"Cancer \" src=\"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/can.gif\" alt=\"Cancer \" width=\"20\" height=\"20\" \/><em>Cancer (The Crab): <\/em>   The chess match you agreed to last week is coming up.  You might want to rethink your &#8220;kill the queen at all costs&#8221; strategy, since your opponent plays with her knights.  If she offers to beat your bishop, go for it.  Your high-risk disease this week:  Rhodococcus.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" title=\"Leo\" src=\"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/leo.gif\" alt=\"Leo\" width=\"20\" height=\"20\" \/><em>Leo (The Lion):<\/em>    You were born in 1899, and you still look younger than springtime.  This week, your great-grandchild will find the bodies of all those chickens you&#8217;ve sacrificed over the years &#8211; tell her you&#8217;re making a feather bed for her dolls and you wanted to surprise her. <\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" title=\"Virgo \" src=\"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/vir.gif\" alt=\"Virgo \" width=\"20\" height=\"20\" \/><em>Virgo (The Virgin): <\/em>   You will be surrounded by song this week, but the bluebird of happiness outside your window carries avian influenza.  Regardless, your high-risk disease this week is actually Adenovirus 55.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" title=\"Libra\" src=\"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/lib.gif\" alt=\"Libra\" width=\"20\" height=\"20\" \/><em>Libra (The Scale):<\/em>   The scales of justice will fall squarely in your favor this week, but you won&#8217;t notice it until it&#8217;s too late to claim your prize. <\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" title=\"Scorpio\" src=\"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/sco.gif\" alt=\"Scorpio\" width=\"20\" height=\"20\" \/><em>Scorpio (The Scorpion):<\/em>    You will have a chance to travel this week, but you won&#8217;t go.  You will examine each brick closely while looking for that wall they were talking about.  Put your glasses on.  Your high-risk disease this week:  Meningococcal Meningitis.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" title=\"Sagittarius \" src=\"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/sag.gif\" alt=\"Sagittarius \" width=\"20\" height=\"20\" \/><em>Sagittarius (The Archer):<\/em>    This is a good week for kicking back.  No, really &#8211; if someone kicks you, kick &#8217;em back.  Right in the nuts, that&#8217;s what I say.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" title=\"Capricorn\" src=\"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/cap.gif\" alt=\"Capricorn\" width=\"20\" height=\"20\" \/><em>Capricorn (The Sea-Goat):<\/em>    This week, you will finally start seeing the fnords.  Be afraid.  Your high-risk disease this week:  Scrapie. <\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" title=\"Aquarius\" src=\"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/aqu.gif\" alt=\"Aquarius\" width=\"20\" height=\"20\" \/><em>Aquarius (The Water Bearer):<\/em>   You&#8217;re living a Yahtzee life in a Monopoly world, and you&#8217;re about to roll doubles.  You can&#8217;t get out of jail for free anymore &#8211; it&#8217;s been a long time since you were 18.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" title=\"Pisces\" src=\"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/pis.gif\" alt=\"Pisces\" width=\"20\" height=\"20\" \/><em>Pisces (The Fish):<\/em>    There will be a few dozen people demonstrating outside your house this week.  Unfortunately, they&#8217;re demonstrating how to install new gas lines in the sewers and streets; the noise is just a bonus.  Good luck sleeping, sucker!  Your high-risk disease this week:  Viroid Apple Skin Scar.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Big Ugly Horoscope. Catch up with your own personal astroillogical future for the weekend and next week &#8211; your daily dose of destiny under your sign.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[54],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2818"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2818"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2818\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2842,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2818\/revisions\/2842"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2818"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2818"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2818"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}