{"id":2810,"date":"2012-05-25T15:03:06","date_gmt":"2012-05-25T20:03:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=2810"},"modified":"2012-06-01T09:10:07","modified_gmt":"2012-06-01T14:10:07","slug":"the-hobbesian-horoscope-51825","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=2810","title":{"rendered":"The Hobbesian Horoscope, 5\/25\/12"},"content":{"rendered":"

Happy Friday!\u00a0\u00a0Here is, once again, another chance to catch up with your own personal astrological future. Your upcoming week will be poor, nasty, brutish, and short – but don’t let it get you down! Read on!<\/p>\n

\"Aries\"Aries (The Ram):\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0This week you will let loose your inner dragon.\u00a0 Shame you cancelled collision coverage on that car…\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Candidatus Neoehrlichia Mikurensis.<\/p>\n

\"Taurus\"Taurus (The Bull):\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0This coming Tuesday, you will encounter an old gypsy, who will tell you your fortune.\u00a0 She will be correct in every detail.\u00a0 I’m so very sorry.<\/p>\n

\"GeminiGemini (The Twins):\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0Your week will be consumed with cooking many things and eating almost none of them – shame about all the medication you’re on suppressing your appetite.\u00a0\u00a0You’ll get yours, though – just wait.\u00a0\u00a0Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Cadang-cadang.<\/p>\n

\"CancerCancer (The Crab):\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0You will journey this week, to the center of all things.\u00a0 Mostly you will find the center of all things includes a 7-11 with Slurpee’s you can’t afford, an 84 Mustang convertible, and more sand than you can possibly count.<\/p>\n

\"Leo\"Leo (The Lion):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0On Monday your mind will be excited, your spirit will be elated, your ego will be inflated, and your access will be deleted.\u00a0 It’s going to be one of those weeks.\u00a0 Buy yourself a Guy Fawkes mask, you’re going to need it.\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Mycoplasma Infection.<\/p>\n

\"VirgoVirgo (The Virgin):\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Your heart rate will climb!\u00a0 This week will see much gushing and great excitement in your house!\u00a0 Too bad it’s about the plumbing.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Libra\"Libra (The Scale):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0On Sunday, they will\u00a0say you are going, and that they’ll miss your bright eyes and sweet smile.\u00a0 On Monday, bail outta there and\u00a0take the sunshine with you.\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Ross River Virus.<\/p>\n

\"Scorpio\"Scorpio (The Scorpion):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0You\u00a0have been tested, tried, troubled, and travailed.\u00a0 This week, an all too brief respite.\u00a0 Gather your strength.<\/p>\n

\"SagittariusSagittarius (The Archer):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0You are back, baby, and with a vengeance.\u00a0 You’re going to impress them all, even if you know you’re faking it.\u00a0 By Wednesday, you’ll even believe your own hype.\u00a0 It’ll be totally awesome, just like the song says.\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Golden Cyst Nematodes.<\/p>\n

\"Capricorn\"Capricorn (The Sea-Goat):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0They’re going to find you one of these days.\u00a0 You can’t hide forever.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Aquarius\"Aquarius (The Water Bearer):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0 You will consider a new career this week.\u00a0 Getting into the iron and steel business might seem like a good idea, but you’ll never get away with it.\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Q Fever.<\/p>\n

\"Pisces\"Pisces (The Fish):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0It’s a good week to relax.\u00a0 Nothing bad will happen this week.\u00a0 Mostly.\u00a0 Except the bit about the blood, but don’t worry about that.\u00a0 It’s probably not human blood.\u00a0 Well, most of it.\u00a0 Anyway, it’ll be fine.\u00a0 No need to call the police.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Big Ugly Horoscope. Catch up with your own personal astroillogical future for the weekend and next week – your daily dose of destiny under your sign.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[54],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2810"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2810"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2810\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2822,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2810\/revisions\/2822"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2810"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2810"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2810"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}