{"id":2468,"date":"2012-01-27T23:14:30","date_gmt":"2012-01-28T03:14:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=2468"},"modified":"2012-01-27T23:14:30","modified_gmt":"2012-01-28T03:14:30","slug":"the-uncleverly-titled-horoscope","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=2468","title":{"rendered":"The Uncleverly Titled Horoscope"},"content":{"rendered":"

Here it is already Friday –\u00a0another week,\u00a0another chance\u00a0to\u00a0catch up with your own personal astro-illogical future for the weekend and next week.\u00a0 This week, for your fortune and favor, I’m highlighting some of the diseases many of you will be at risk for in the next 7 days.\u00a0 Sucks to be you!!!<\/p>\n

\"Aries\"Aries (The Ram):<\/em>\u00a0 Next\u00a0time you go to the doctor, tell her about those sores.\u00a0Really – it’s not going to go away by itself.\u00a0 Your lucky number is\u00a0also the loneliest – 1.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Taurus\"Taurus (The Bull):<\/em>\u00a0 You are happiest when involved in some kind of creative process, which is good since you’re going to spend some quality time alone this week!\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Monkeypox<\/p>\n

\"GeminiGemini (The Twins):\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0 You enjoy mental exploration, and see where it’s lead you?\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 Despite that, you\u00a0are loved, deeply, by people who are\u00a0really really bad at saying that.\u00a0\u00a0Knowing this probably won’t help, but it’s there.\u00a0 Cling to it.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"CancerCancer (The Crab):\u00a0<\/em> You don’t even want to know how badly your PC is going to crash this week.\u00a0\u00a0Your data?\u00a0 Buh-bye.\u00a0 Backup your life, buhbala, because it’s going to be a bumpy ride!\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Banana Wilt<\/p>\n

\"Leo\"Leo (The Lion):\u00a0<\/em> You’re awesome today, tomorrow, pretty much through Tuesday.\u00a0 Wednesday through Friday is a greased slide to Loserville.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

\"VirgoVirgo (The Virgin):\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0You made it through the wilderness.\u00a0 Somehow, you made it through.\u00a0 You’d been had.\u00a0 You’d been sad.\u00a0 You’d been blue.\u00a0 How touching. \u00a0Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Black Lung<\/p>\n

\"Libra\"Libra (The Scale):\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0Your sign is associated with the lower back and the kidneys.\u00a0\u00a0 Which is funny, considering the state of your liver.\u00a0 Your lucky number is a buck ninety-five, exact change only please.<\/p>\n

\"Scorpio\"Scorpio (The Scorpion):<\/em>\u00a0 You are a sequence of small scenes played all out of order.\u00a0 You are highly contagious, capable of causing explosive outbreaks, and characterized by fever, cough, and awesomeness.\u00a0\u00a0Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Equine Influenza<\/p>\n

\"SagittariusSagittarius (The Archer):\u00a0<\/em> You. \u00a0Monday will be the best day you’ve had in weeks.\u00a0 Ride that and coast\u00a0for the week.\u00a0 \u00a0<\/p>\n

\"Capricorn\"Capricorn (The Sea-Goat):\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0 That know-it-all Leo down the block from you thinks you’re cute.\u00a0 He’s a stalker; don’t interact with him.\u00a0\u00a0 Your lucky number is 18.\u00a0 Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 Coconut Palm Bud Rot<\/p>\n

\"Aquarius\"Aquarius (The Water Bearer):\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0Your\u00a0mama was young, and the skies were rocking with the dusty heart of a beggar woman on the night you were born.\u00a0 You should listen to more Sally Oldfield, but only on Wednesday.<\/p>\n

\"Pisces\"Pisces (The Fish):<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0Tuesday will be better than Monday, Monday will be better than the weekend.\u00a0 Your lucky number is\u00a0Section 3.5.1.6.\u00a0\u00a0You should probably lie down.\u00a0Your high-risk disease this week:\u00a0 White Nose Syndrome<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Big Ugly Horoscope. Catch up with your own personal astro-illogical future for the weekend and next week – your daily dose of destiny under your sign.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[54],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2468"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2468"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2468\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2491,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2468\/revisions\/2491"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2468"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2468"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2468"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}