There are a few bits going around the mommywebs right now that suggest parenting is hard, and then it’s easy, and then it’s over, and that we should enjoy it while it lasts because our kids grow up and then we’re not doing as much parenting and then we’ll look back on these days fondly and then we’ll die.\u00a0 Or something like that.<\/p>\n
Needless to say, I feel the need to weigh in on this.<\/p>\n
Carpe Diem, they say.\u00a0 OK, just carpe the moment.\u00a0 No, wait, it’s OK to just carpe the good<\/strong> moments.\u00a0 It’s ok that it’s hard, they say.\u00a0 We all know you’re not really enjoying every second of every day, and that doesn’t make you a bad person.<\/p>\n All of that is true.\u00a0<\/p>\n What I will add is that as a parent, you’re breaking new ground.\u00a0 We like to think that we know a great deal about raising kids – there are whole industries built around telling people how to do it, how not to do it, and how not to lose your freaking mind in the process.\u00a0 None of that information is completely accurate.\u00a0 We’ve gotten pretty good with the parts you learned in your high school biology class, sure, and we know more about diseases and how to treat and prevent them, but “raising” a child?\u00a0 This is completely new.\u00a0 No one has ever done this before.<\/p>\n There are no studies to guide you that will show the effects of this or that parenting technique on kids being raised in an era of instant communication, immediate gratification, and no borders.\u00a0 Not only is every child different, but every day is new.<\/em>\u00a0 My early environment taught me that in order to listen to the song I wanted to hear whenever I wanted to hear it, I had to save some money and ask my parents to drive me to a store and buy the record and bring it home and play it.\u00a0 (Record, vinyl, yes, I’m that old.)\u00a0 My kids ask for a dollar and download a single song, play it 30 seconds later, and then tell 17 friends across counties, countries, and continents what they’re listening to and what they think of it.\u00a0 They move FAST because the tools are in place to let them, and they’ve never known a time when those tools weren’t there.<\/p>\n We, on the other hand, watched these tools being developed.\u00a0 We’re used to them now, and we use them – but we’re not natives, not most of us.\u00a0 So of course parenting is hard.\u00a0 We’re digital immigrants with self-induced ADD, trying to get through days that are filled with sensory overload.\u00a0 Even without kids, we live in a media barrage of consumer-targeted advertising based on fear, making sure you have enough to worry about.\u00a0 That way, you can spend money to mitigate those worries.\u00a0 Do you realize that no one worries about burglary any more?\u00a0 We get to worry about home invasion now.\u00a0 What happened to all the burglars?\u00a0<\/p>\n We’re told that we can spend our way to safety, security, and serenity.\u00a0 I’m going to set up a button on this site that will let you send me a dollar, in exchange for which I will send you a personalized note telling you that everything’s OK, you’re going to be fine, and you’re doing a good job.\u00a0 But I digress.<\/p>\n With kids, who are crazy enough without external help, we suddenly have a new source of sensory input.\u00a0 New parents aren’t used to sensory input devices that don’t come with an off switch.\u00a0 They are suddenly faced with complete life-and-death responsibility, no operating instructions, and a society that will judge them at every turn, after the fact.\u00a0 No one says, “I wouldn’t do that.”\u00a0 They say, “I wouldn’t have done that.”\u00a0 Yes, parenting is hard – as a species, we had to throw away the guidebooks for raising kids after the industrial revolution, because by the time the next generation rolled along, the books were obsolete.\u00a0 Not only is every child different, but every day is new.<\/em>\u00a0 (Remember that this did not use to be the case.)\u00a0 This not only hasn’t stopped, it’s gotten faster.\u00a0 Fully half of what we consider “good parenting techniques” are still based in the 18th century.\u00a0 We have digital kids.\u00a0 We need to become digital parents, fast, and it’s hard.\u00a0 Of course we worry ourselves sick \u2013 not only do we have television telling us to worry about everything, now we have life-and-death decisions to make for someone else, and the world watching.\u00a0 You want me to enjoy this?\u00a0<\/p>\n So, do I enjoy my kids?\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 Douglas Adams once wrote that the hours were OK, but the minutes really dragged.\u00a0 I enjoy all of my life, even the parts that really drag – I’m generally just wired that way.\u00a0 (Also, being in a good mood really pisses people off, which is an added bonus some days.)\u00a0 Of course being a dad is hard.\u00a0 No one said it wouldn’t be, any more than they said life would be fair.\u00a0 But if you don’t smile and try to enjoy it, you wind up wallowing in self pity – and then the fear-mongers step in.\u00a0<\/p>\n The best thing we can do for our kids is make sure they see us enjoying them.\u00a0 They’re taking in data on all frequencies and monitoring all channels, because their environment is training them to do so, and they notice everything about how we carry ourselves through the days, hours, and minutes.\u00a0 Smiling – just forcing those muscles in your face to go up – actually tends to elevate your mood, to say nothing of making people wonder what you’re thinking.\u00a0 Let them see you smile.\u00a0 They\u2019ll remember it.\u00a0 After all, soon they’ll grow up and then it’s over and then we’ll look back on these days fondly and then we’ll die.\u00a0<\/p>\n In the meantime, everything’s OK.\u00a0 You’re going to be fine.\u00a0 You’re doing a good job.<\/p>\n Every child is different.\u00a0 Every day is new.\u00a0 Don’t worry about it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" We’re digital immigrants with self-induced ADD, trying to get through days that are filled with sensory overload. 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