It\u2019s often been noted that great artists and poets and scientists and that \u2018creative\u2019 lot seem to do their best work early in life.\u00a0 (When John Keats was my age, for example, he\u2019d been dead for 14 years.)\u00a0<\/p>\n
This was hammered home to me this morning as I cooked bacon and eggs for SOBUMD, the Human Tape Recorder, and myself \u2013 the Reigning Queen of Pink has no truck with eggs, but claimed the bacon by divine right.\u00a0 Number One Son had eaten more than 2 hours earlier, having woken at 0Dark:30 to play international Wii MarioCart challenges under his internet pseudonym, Wiimaster\u2122.\u00a0 (This proves that on the Internet, no one knows the Wiimaster is 8, or that he hasn\u2019t had his meds, which might explain why people on the other side of the planet seem surprised that someone with the cajones to call themselves \u201cWiimaster\u2122\u201c\u00a0keeps driving down the track in the wrong direction, crashing into the other players.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t worry about what happens in the game; Number One Son happens to other people.)<\/p>\n
But I digress.\u00a0 Once SOBUMD and the rest of the girls woke, I snapped off the couch and out of my coffee-induced reveries and got to cooking.\u00a0\u00a0 The HTR was press-ganged into service whisking the eggs, and SOBUMD did her part as DJ \u2013 which is surely a term as antiquated as \u201cTape Recorder\u201d, but again, \u201cMP3 Playback Device Jockey \/ YouTube Selection Committee\u201d just lacks that je ne se qua.\u00a0<\/p>\n
So there I was, wreaking hen\u2019s fruit with saut\u00e9ed fungi and goat cheese and frying thick smoked strips of yummy pig, when SOBUMD graced us with the dulcet tones of Simon and Garfunkel.\u00a0 It hit me, as I wailed along with Paul and Art that I, too, was a rock, and that I, too, was an island, that this song could never have been written by a parent.<\/p>\n
\u201cI am alone.\u201d\u00a0 OK, epic fail right from the start.\u00a0 The concept of \u201calone\u201d starts to mean, you know, except for the baby, I am alone.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cSilent shroud of snow\u201d \u2013 First off, the word \u2018silent\u2019 moves into off-line storage with the first kid; rather than being part of your daily vocabulary, it\u2019s just a distant corollary related to the omnipresent \u201cCan you please shut up for one second!\u201d<\/p>\n
So let\u2019s review how this classic might have gone if Paul had tried to write it while home with his 3rd Grader:\u00a0
\n\u00a0<\/p>\n
A winters day,\u00a0
\nand the goddamn schools are closed.<\/p>\n
I\u00a0am alone,\u00a0
\nGazing from my window to the yard below
\nAt my crazy kids out playing in the snow.<\/p>\n
I need some sleep, I need some coffee.<\/p>\n
These old board-books,
\nAnd this ancient stuffed giraffe,
\nI should throw this stuff out.
\nNext time I clean their rooms, where the hell\u2019d I put the broom?
\nI swear to god I\u2019ve lost my friggin\u2019 mind!<\/p>\n
I need some sleep, I need some coffee.<\/p>\n
And I can\u2019t sleep while they\u2019re outside.
\nAnd my coffee\u2019s gotten cold.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
Ya, just not the same.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It\u2019s often been noted that great artists and poets and scientists and that \u2018creative\u2019 lot seem to do their best work early in life.\u00a0 (When John Keats was my age, for example, he\u2019d been dead for 14 years.)\u00a0 This was hammered home to me this morning as I cooked bacon and eggs for SOBUMD, the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[36,3,5,10,43],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/233"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=233"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/233\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":483,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/233\/revisions\/483"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=233"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=233"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=233"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}