Some holiday music is just fine.\u00a0 Some of it is really, really hard to explain.\u00a0 I have to wonder about the songs that give away a little too much about the holidays, if you know what I mean – kids are listening to this, you know?<\/p>\n
I’ve heard so many different lyrics to “Carol of the Bells” that I\u00a0no longer recognize the real ones when I\u00a0hear it.\u00a0 (“Would you like an apple pie with that?”)\u00a0<\/p>\n
And then there are the wholly inappropriate songs that should have been retired long, long ago.\u00a0\u00a0 SOBUMD and I\u00a0refer to “Hey Baby,\u00a0It’s Cold Outside” as The Date Rape Song.\u00a0\u00a0 Case in point, the fourth and fifth stanzas below are almost completely verbatim from the Frank Loesser original published in 1948.\u00a0 What the hell was he thinking?\u00a0\u00a0 This is probably how it should go:<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
I really can’t stay
\n(but, baby, it’s cold outside)
\nI thought you were gay!
\n(honey my beard just died)
\nThis evening is done
\n(Been looking forward to this)
\nso say buh-bye
\n(You know you want it, come on don\u2019t lie)<\/p>\n
My mother will start to freak
\n(you\u2019re beautiful when you’re humming)
\nYou\u2019re such an ostentatious bore
\n(listen to the fireplace roar)
\nMy folks are gonna bitch a blue streak
\n(don\u2019t leave me up blue-ball creek)
\nwell, maybe just a half a drink more
\n(look over there while I pour)<\/p>\n
I know what you think
\n(this couch has a bed in there)
\nsay, what’s in this drink?
\n(some roofies I mixed in there)
\nI wish I knew what
\n(you\u2019re gonna be mine, you slut)
\nwhat in the hell?
\n(Turn off your phone, it\u2019s just as well)<\/p>\n
I want to say no, no, no sir
\n(mind if I move in closer?)
\nAt least I’m gonna say that I tried
\n(what’s the sense of hurtin’ my pride?)
\nI really can’t stay
\n(You know that you can\u2019t hold out)
\nAh but it’s cold outside
\n(See baby, it’s cold outside)<\/p>\n
I\u00a0simply must go
\n(but, baby, it’s cold outside)
\nThe answer is no
\n(but, baby, it’s cold outside)
\nThe welcome has been
\n(how lucky that you dropped in)
\nso nice and warm
\n(look out that window at that storm)<\/p>\n
The gossip\u2019s gonna be horrific
\n(Gee, your hair smells terrific)
\nmy brother stands six-foot-four
\n(lose the bra you two-bit whore)
\nHe\u2019s a starting linebacker with
\n(I said lose the what did you just say)
\nThe Cleveland Browns
\n(you know I just been clown\u2019n around)<\/p>\n
My father has a shotgun
\n(but, baby, it’s \u2013 what\u2019d you say?)
\nHe just got out of prison
\n(but, baby, it’s \u2013 what\u2019d you say?)
\nYou’re really a prick
\n(I\u2019m feeling a little sick)
\nYou lousey schmuck
\n(her dad\u2019s done time, it\u2019s just my luck)<\/p>\n
We\u2019re gonna have a talk tomorrow
\n(I hope you don\u2019t remember tomorrow)
\nunless you get your ass out of town
\n(you know I love those Cleveland Browns)
\nI really can\u2019t stay
\n(Yeah, I\u2019ve called you a cab)
\nAh, but it\u2019s cold outside
\n(Here\u2019s your coat, get outside)
\nBaby, it’s cold outside<\/p>\n
\u00a0\n<\/p>\n
I mean, sheesh.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Some holiday music is just fine. Some of it is really, really hard to explain. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[36,43],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/227"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=227"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/227\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":484,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/227\/revisions\/484"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=227"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=227"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=227"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}