{"id":2247,"date":"2011-12-22T17:39:07","date_gmt":"2011-12-22T21:39:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=2247"},"modified":"2011-12-22T17:39:59","modified_gmt":"2011-12-22T21:39:59","slug":"advent-of-holiday-horror-song-4","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=2247","title":{"rendered":"Advent of Holiday Horror: Song 4"},"content":{"rendered":"

As we’ve noted a few times during this advent countdown,\u00a0some songs are intrinsically bad while some have badness thrust upon them, all willy-nilly, by someone recording them who really, really shouldn’t.\u00a0 Bruce Springsteen’s hit “Fire” is not a funny song, and yet I smile every time I hear it – because in my head, I’m not hearing The Boss, I’m hearing Robin Williams doing his impression of Elmer Fudd covering The Boss<\/a>.\u00a0 (“I’m dwivin’ in my caaa \/ tuun up da way-dee-oh” – and if I’ve done you no other favors in this entire Advent Countdown of Holiday Horror, I’ve provided you with this link.\u00a0 If Elmer Fudd doing Springsteen doesn’t crack you up, check your pulse.)<\/p>\n

And so we see that a good song can be made funny with a funny cover.\u00a0 Unfortunately, most songs don’t get this treatment from their covers.\u00a0 Some, sure, and some are Ronstadted, which is simply OK, and some are actually Claptoned!\u00a0 (He didn’t write After Midnight, after all.\u00a0 He just did it better.)\u00a0 \u00a0But some of them get Biebered.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Hearing a good song getting Biebered is hard for us all.\u00a0 But it’s not the worst thing that can happen to a song.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Sometimes, they get downright Hasselhoffed.<\/p>\n

Stille Nacht, Heilige Nacht?\u00a0 \u00a0Heilige Schei\u00dfe!\u00a0\u00a0 Nein danke.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Silent Night is a beautiful song.\u00a0 It’s beautiful in German.\u00a0 It’s beautiful in English.\u00a0\u00a0 It would be beautiful sung in\u00a0the click\/pop language of the Omuramba\u00a0Ovambo tribes in the Kalahari.<\/p>\n

But not if if were the Hoff doing the clicking.\u00a0 He would somehow manage to convey his own sense of unctuous, hair-gelled smarm into the pops and clicks, and it would go from something beautiful to something that used to be beautiful before it was laminated, decked out with appliqu\u00e9,\u00a0b-jeweled, and vajazzled.\u00a0 It’s not pretty any more.\u00a0 It doesn’t sound like Silent Night so much as just make me wish for one.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Go on, you haven’t had your dose of punishment today.\u00a0 Click it.\u00a0 Click it and suffer.
\n\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n