{"id":2235,"date":"2011-12-17T14:50:19","date_gmt":"2011-12-17T18:50:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=2235"},"modified":"2011-12-17T14:50:19","modified_gmt":"2011-12-17T18:50:19","slug":"advent-of-holiday-horror-song-9","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=2235","title":{"rendered":"Advent of Holiday Horror: Song 9"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’m not taking any time off over the holidays this year.\u00a0 Most of the folks I work with assume that this is because of my diligence, my leadership, and the fact that the office can’t get along without me.<\/p>\n

In fact,\u00a0I’m not taking any time off so they don’t find out that they’re wrong on every count.<\/p>\n

But this isn’t about that.\u00a0 This is an advent countdown of Christmas and other miscellaneous holiday songs that make me barf a bit,\u00a0the ones you know you’re supposed to love, but\u00a0really you’d rather get\u00a0jolly with some holly than sit\u00a0through them\u00a0on the radio again – you know the kind I mean.\u00a0\u00a0 Today’s exercise in holiday “huh?”\u00a0came to\u00a0us first\u00a0from Bur Lives, no no no, that’s Burl Ives (sorry, kerning, you know), and has been remade by everyone from Alan Jackson to his older brother, Michael Jackson.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Now don’t get me wrong.\u00a0 It’s a nice little song.\u00a0 The music is upbeat, cheerful, and evinces a smile-though-your-pain attitude that even the Dali Lama would appreciate.\u00a0 It’s the 60’s culture references, with sex and drugs and swinging\u00a0that make me wonder.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I don’t know if there’ll be snow,\u00a0but have a cup of cheer:<\/strong>\u00a0<\/em> Obviously, if you can’t score some cocaine, bust out a 40 and we’ll do some shots.
\nSay hello to friends you know \/ and EVERYONE you meet:<\/strong>\u00a0<\/em> Can you say tweaker<\/span>, boys and girls?\u00a0 Betcha can!
\nSomebody waits for you, kiss her once for me:<\/em>\u00a0<\/strong> She’s waiting for you.\u00a0 Kiss her, then tell her, “And this one’s for Burl Ives,” and then kiss her again.\u00a0 Do you remember what he looked like?\u00a0 Do you know what he looks like now?\u00a0 And you think this will get you laid for Christmas?\u00a0 Doubt it.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Go ahead.\u00a0 It doesn’t really suck, just more of a general “Huh.\u00a0 What were they thinking?”\u00a0\u00a0I’ll be\u00a0over here, figuring out how to get my buns on the copier without having to jump up there.<\/p>\n

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