{"id":2223,"date":"2011-12-16T06:17:47","date_gmt":"2011-12-16T10:17:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=2223"},"modified":"2011-12-15T23:53:02","modified_gmt":"2011-12-16T03:53:02","slug":"advent-of-holiday-horror-song-10","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=2223","title":{"rendered":"Advent of Holiday Horror: Song 10"},"content":{"rendered":"

And we’re into the top ten, or the bottom ten, depending on how you look at it.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Look, I’m just going to give it a rest over here, and we’re all going to take note of the “in-you-end-oh” connotations of the word nuttin’<\/strong> and just not worry about \u00a0some 10-yr-old who’s getting a nutting for Christmas.\u00a0 That’s just wrong.\u00a0 And we’re not going to make jokes about him staying with his Uncle Sandusky for the holidays, either.\u00a0 Nope.\u00a0 We’re taking the high road today.<\/p>\n

OK, yeah, if we’re taking the high road it’s only because my GPS broke and I’ll be damned if I’ll ask for directions back to the gutter.\u00a0 We’ll find it soon enough.<\/p>\n

So every time I hear this one, somewhere in the back of my mind is Eddie Murphy, reading his poetry from prison<\/a>.<\/p>\n

I broke my bat on Johnny’s head.
\nKill that bastard.\u00a0 Kill that bastard.
\nI hid a frog in sister’s bed;
\nKill that bastard.\u00a0 Kill that bastard.
\nI spilled some blood on Mommy’s rug;
\nI made Tommy eat\u00a0a lead slug;
\nStole some gum with nary a shrug;
\nSomebody snitched on me.
\nI put a tack on teacher’s chair.
\nDon’t need no reason, life ain’t fair.\u00a0
\nSomebody snitched on me.
\nI tied a knot in Susie’s hair.
\nSomebody snitched on me
\nAnd if’n I find out it was Susie, I’ma shank that bitch when I get out.
\nEsh-Ay-En-Kay\u00a0That Bitch.<\/p>\n

Really?\u00a0 Do we really need to detail the assaults, mayhem, animal abuse, and petty crimes required to get onto Santa’s bad side?\u00a0 This isn’t a holiday song, it’s a recitation before the jury delivers a verdict!\u00a0 Throw the book at it!\u00a0<\/p>\n

Yeah, this is the bottom ten alright.\u00a0 And as long we’re choosing bottoms and tops, I’d say we found the gutter again too, whaddaya say baby?\u00a0 You watch this video and I’ll slip into something less constricting, see you 5 minutes.\u00a0 You can keep the socks on.<\/p>\n