A little girl was sitting on the curb in front of her house with a sad look on her face. An older lady happened upon her and asked her why she looked so sad. The girl replied, “My kitty cat died.”<\/p>\n
The older woman, trying to be helpful, said to the little girl, “I know you’re sad, but right now your kitty cat is with Jesus.”<\/p>\n
The girl crinkled her nose for a second and replied, “What would Jesus want with a dead cat?”<\/p>\n
But this isn’t about that.\u00a0 This is an advent countdown of Christmas and other miscellaneous holiday songs that make me barf a bit,\u00a0the ones you know you’re supposed to love, but\u00a0really you’d rather run hot wax in your ears than sit\u00a0through them\u00a0on the radio again – you know the kind I mean.\u00a0 Today’s exercise in holiday tune torture came to us first\u00a0from Angela Lansbury in the 1966 production of Mame and since then we’ve heard it a thousand thousand times, from everyone from Lucille Ball, Johnny Mathis, and Dinah Shore to Kathie Lee Gifford, Lee Greenwood, and the cast of Glee.\u00a0 Hell, the Muppets have done this one.\u00a0 They’ve all Needed a Little Christmas, right this very minute.\u00a0 Right now.\u00a0 Right. Freakin’. Now.\u00a0 Hurry!<\/p>\n
“Candles in the window, Carols at the spinet.”
\n“She is, is she?\u00a0 What’s she doing there?”
\n“What?”
\n“Why is Carol at the spinet?\u00a0 What the hell’s a spinet, anyway?\u00a0 I thought a spinet was one of those really thin girls you can hire\u00a0in Las Vegas…”<\/p>\n
Haul out the holly?\u00a0 Slice up the fruitcake?\u00a0 Kill me now.\u00a0 Are you in such a rush to get to the end of the year that you don’t want to savor every day of it?\u00a0 Hmmm, OK, maybe they’re right; get it over with.\u00a0 Still, I’ve heard this one about six thousand times too often.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Go ahead.\u00a0 You were bored anyway, and you’re not going to hear this for at least another 6.5 minutes if you’ve got the radio on in December.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0I’ll be\u00a0over here, figuring out what to do with this dead cat that no one seems to want.<\/p>\n
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