{"id":1959,"date":"2011-10-11T18:43:15","date_gmt":"2011-10-11T22:43:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=1959"},"modified":"2011-10-11T18:43:15","modified_gmt":"2011-10-11T22:43:15","slug":"national-coming-out-day","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=1959","title":{"rendered":"National Coming Out Day"},"content":{"rendered":"

Good evening Gentle Reader!\u00a0 I’m actually not feeling great, but wanted to post something about National Coming Out Day – and so I’m blatently cheating and re-posting my thoughts from last year.\u00a0\u00a0 The original is at http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=807<\/a>. I’m not sure I’m capable of articulating anything better at the moment – and I did not want to remain silent just because I’d said it once before.\u00a0 Once is not enough.\u00a0 Once a year is not enough.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\n

It has been pointed out to me \u2013 and thousands of others on Facebook \u2013 that today is National Coming Out Day. \u00a0I\u2019ve seen dozens of status updates stating that people I know are \u201ccoming out for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender equality because it\u2019s 2010 and only five states plus DC recognize that love, not gender, is what matters in a marriage\u201d or things much to that effect.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m always conflicted about things like this.\u00a0 I would love to be able to post something on the order of \u201cI empathize with this group because I know how they feel\u201d \u2013 but of course, I don\u2019t.\u00a0 Let\u2019s be honest \u2013 if for no better reason than because I\u2019m known for absolute objectivity \u2013 I am a Big, Ugly, Heterosexual, Middle-Class, White Man Doll living in Middle Class America.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve experienced negative discrimination of any sort in my life.\u00a0 Doors open at my knock, and it\u2019s not all<\/strong> because of the hat.\u00a0<\/p>\n

So saying that I understand the feeling of being a minority feels disingenuous.\u00a0 I can, however, empathize with feelings that I do<\/strong> understand, namely anxiety.\u00a0 (That I am not always a calm person may not come as a shock to long-time readers\u2026)\u00a0<\/p>\n

Let me tell you a story.<\/p>\n

A long time ago, I worked with a pretty girl 10 years my senior who used to tell me about her boyfriend, John.\u00a0 After we\u2019d been working together for several months, she asked if I could come over to her condo one morning and help her move some furniture to her truck, in exchange for which help I was promised breakfast.\u00a0 Never being one to turn down free food, I cheerfully agreed.\u00a0 I arrived in the pouring rain, and we determined that truck and futon were not destined to meet that morning.\u00a0 She made breakfast nonetheless, something yummy plus a grapefruit, and we made small talk for a while.\u00a0 After a moment\u2019s pause in the conversation, she asked, \u201cSo, do you like to be shocked before breakfast or after?\u201d<\/p>\n

Mouth full of grapefruit, I explained that during breakfast was fine.\u00a0 She then said, eyes looking anywhere but at me, that everything she\u2019d told me about her boyfriend John was true, except for the minor detail of his name.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t John.\u00a0 It was Marie.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cOK,\u201d I remember saying, \u201cwhen do we get to the shocking part?\u00a0 You\u2019re going to have to try a lot harder to shock me.\u201d\u00a0 She thought it was the books on her shelf that had given her away, and I told her that actually it was the Patrick Nagel<\/a> prints on the walls that were a bigger clue.\u00a0 Then I remember her wrapping her arms around my neck and saying, \u201cI\u2019m so glad you\u2019re one of the cool ones.\u201d<\/p>\n

And it dawned on me that she had not been sure of my reaction.\u00a0 This competent, self-possessed, smart, funny, beautiful woman had been anxious and worried about what reaction she would get from me at this \u201crevelation.\u201d<\/p>\n

And that sucks.<\/p>\n

That she had not been comfortable \u201ccoming out\u201d at work was her business, and since her lifestyle had nothing to do with her job, it made perfect sense \u2013 straight people shouldn\u2019t talk about their sexual preferences in the office either, unless they work in the porn industry.\u00a0 It\u2019s not relevant in a professional setting.\u00a0<\/p>\n

But realizing that she was nervous about telling me she was gay made me think about how many times that conversation might have gone badly, for her and anyone else having that conversation with a friend.\u00a0 Since then, I\u2019ve tried to make sure I wear my liberal tendencies a little more loudly on my sleeve \u2013 to let gay friends, who haven\u2019t yet decided to tell me, know in advance how I\u2019ll react.\u00a0 Life\u2019s hard enough.\u00a0 Having to be anxious about telling a friend something important?\u00a0 That sucks.\u00a0 And to this day I\u2019m glad she told me \u2013 she\u2019s become a life-long friend.<\/p>\n

So that\u2019s why I\u2019m joining the ranks of \u201cstraight allies\u201d and posting this.\u00a0 As I\u2019ve mentioned before<\/a>, I\u2019m about 93 percent attracted to women, 5 percent attracted to men, 2 percent attracted to goats and sheep, and 100 percent attracted to SOBUMD.\u00a0 There was only one time I\u2019ve been disappointed to learn a friend was a lesbian, and the only reason I was disappointed was because it dramatically reduced my chances of sleeping with her.\u00a0 (Because, as we know, it\u2019s all about the Hey Hey<\/a>.)\u00a0<\/p>\n

But the rest?\u00a0 The questions of who\u2019s having Hey Hey with whom?\u00a0 Doesn\u2019t matter.\u00a0<\/p>\n

In the workplace, there are two kinds of people:\u00a0 professionals and non- professionals.\u00a0 I know professionals who clean floors in my office, and I know non- professionals in high-power white-collar jobs.\u00a0 Gender and sexual preference are no more important than religion and skin color in getting the job done.\u00a0\u00a0 Easy for me to say, of course, but that\u2019s how I work with people and that\u2019s how I hire.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Outside the workplace, there are still two kinds of people:\u00a0 happy and not.\u00a0 As long as people are working toward happy, gender<\/del> sexuality<\/del> religion<\/del> race<\/del> money<\/del> weight<\/del> nothing else<\/strong> matters.\u00a0\u00a0 Teaching this lesson to our kids is one of the most important challenges SOBUMD and I face \u2013 not only to let them know that it\u2019s OK to be whoever they grow up to be, but to make damn sure they know that it\u2019s OK for other people to grow up to be who they are.\u00a0<\/p>\n

After all, life\u2019s hard enough.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Good evening Gentle Reader!\u00a0 I’m actually not feeling great, but wanted to post something about National Coming Out Day – and so I’m blatently cheating and re-posting my thoughts from last year.\u00a0\u00a0 The original is at http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=807. I’m not sure I’m capable of articulating anything better at the moment – and I did not want […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[47,14,52,40],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1959"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1959"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1959\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1961,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1959\/revisions\/1961"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1959"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1959"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1959"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}