Look, parenting has its challenges.\u00a0 We know that.\u00a0 We embrace it.\u00a0 But still \u2013 some days, the life of a parent takes turns that are uneffingimaginable.<\/p>\n
Some nights are even more bizzare.\u00a0 Take tonight \u2013 please!<\/p>\n
No, OK, but still.\u00a0 I got them to bed.\u00a0 SOBUMD and I were in bed.\u00a0 She paused to use the restroom, I paused at my PC to turn this damn thing off \u2013 and a light came on, flickering, like a bad horror movie with no soundtrack, the only sound a soft footfall like you hear just before the words you know are coming, the scream, the \u2013 no, not a scream.\u00a0 Just a quiet voice from behind the flashlight:\u00a0 \u201cDaddy, I\u2019m still hungry.\u00a0 Can I have a bologna sandwich?\u201d<\/p>\n
The following exchange is a verbatim transcript of my life.<\/p>\n
Number One Son:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0 Can I have a bologna sandwich?\u00a0 I ate all my dinner. I walked around to turn off the Human Tape Recorder\u2019s light, and by the time I was done with that he\u2019d walked into his room, munching on a cookie.\u00a0 I followed him in as he started climbing into his bed.<\/p>\n BUMD:\u00a0<\/strong> \u00a0You are NOT getting in that bed eating a cookie. \u00a0In the chair, at the desk, now. I don\u2019t know what\u2019s scarier \u2013 that he Rickrolled me, that he KNEW HOW to Rickroll me, or that he pulled it off so well.\u00a0 I\u2019m still laughing at Ri Ghastly, but still \u2013 “Huh?”\u00a0 Damn, he got me again.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" BOY? Did you just Rickroll me? Did you just sit there and Rickroll your own father?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[22,61,47,21,5],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1943"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1943"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1943\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4140,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1943\/revisions\/4140"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1943"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1943"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1943"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nBUMD:\u00a0<\/strong> No you didn\u2019t, you \u2013 oh, wait, that was yesterday.\u00a0 Damn, you did eat all your dinner.\u00a0 Stop pointing that light at me.\u00a0 OK, let\u2019s look downstairs.
\nNumber One Son:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0 I did eat all my dinner.
\nBUMD:\u00a0<\/strong> Yes, an entire chicken drumstick.\u00a0 But still, OK.\u00a0 So, we have bread that I have to slice, which I\u2019m really not up for, or we have the sourdough that you didn\u2019t like, or I can get \u2013 oh, hey, we have cookies!\u00a0 You can have a bologna wrap, or you can have a fresh-made chocolate chip cookie.\u00a0 Your choice.
\nNumber One Son:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong> Cookie.
\nBUMD:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Deal.<\/p>\n
\nNumber One Son:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Mmh.\u00a0 OK.
\nBUMD:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0While you\u2019re there at the desk, you can finish the cookie and your reading log!\u00a0 Here they are in front of you, and here\u2019s a pen.\u00a0 I know it\u2019s not due until Friday, but you haven\u2019t filled it out all week.\u00a0 What did you read Monday?
\nNumber One Son:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0Fmmtm Tllboof [pointing to Norton Juster\u2019s Phantom Tollbooth<\/a>]
\nBUMD:\u00a0<\/strong> \u00a0Ah, great book.\u00a0 So, write it down there!
\nNumber One Son:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0OK.
\nBUMD:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0OK, you need a \u201cthoughtful thought\u201d about the book.\u00a0 Tell me something about the main character.
\nNumber One Son:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 Milo is a weird kid who doesn\u2019t understand anything at first.
\nBUMD:\u00a0<\/strong> \u00a0OK, I’ll take that.\u00a0 Write that down.\u00a0 Have you finished this book?
\nNumber One Son:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 [silence]
\nBUMD:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0Hmm.\u00a0 [flips through pages remembered only dimly, if fondly]\u00a0 Do you remember how Rhyme and Reason returned?
\nNumber One Son:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes.
\nBUMD:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0Tell me.
\nNumber One Son:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0 They rode on the back of a demon named Ri Ghastly, who told them they were no strangers to love.
\nBUMD:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0What?\u00a0 [flips through book faster]\u00a0 I don\u2019t remember that.\u00a0 Tell me more?
\nNumber One Son:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0 He said we\u2019re no strangers to love.\u00a0 You know the rules [singing] \u2013 And \u2013 So \u2013 Do \u2013 I \u2026
\nBUMD:\u00a0<\/strong> \u00a0What?\u00a0 BOY?\u00a0 Did you just Rickroll me?\u00a0\u00a0 Did you just sit there and Rickroll your own father?
\nNumber One Son:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 [giggling] It\u2019s not a Rickroll if it\u2019s not a video!
\nBUMD:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0Get in your bed.\u00a0 Get in your bed right now!!!
\nNumber One Son:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0 [still giggling]
\nBUMD:\u00a0<\/strong> I cannot believe you would Rickroll your own father.
\nNumber One Son:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0 [still giggling] I was just singing!
\nBUMD:\u00a0<\/strong> In the bed with you!<\/p>\n