Answer:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0The short answer is that one could hope both your mouths would be otherwise occupied.\u00a0\u00a0 The long answer, and it is a very long answer (he said with a wink), is that we all know that sex is like baseball, and that ninety percent of Hey Hey is half mental (as are\u00a0fifty percent of your partners, but that’s a different post).\u00a0 Sometimes we all need a few words of encouragement, or even a stern talking to.<\/p>\n A Useful Venn Diagram<\/p><\/div>\n The trouble is in the execution of this talking.\u00a0 The difference between the number of romance writers and the number of romance writers who have had sex with other people is staggering.\u00a0\u00a0Just because they can write about some seriously kinky Hey Hey does not mean they’ve ever actually had<\/strong> such Hey Hey, nor that they could if cornered at a cocktail party.\u00a0 The Marquis de Sade is noted and remembered for his writing – did he really DO all those things?\u00a0 Not so sure.<\/p>\n Also remember that the stud in the romance books has a big advantage over your partner.\u00a0 Not being real, he can\u00a0enjoy the sight of your heaving bosom and tell you all about what he’s thinking while not having any of the performance anxiety usually connected to maintaining his throbbing member.\u00a0\u00a0 Remember, he’s in a book.<\/p>\n Your partner, on the other hand, is not in a book.\u00a0 As far as he’s concerned, he’s in a dream.\u00a0 He’s probably not thinking about saying much (OK, he’s probably not thinking much<\/a>), since he used up his store of words for the day while talking you out of your clothes.\u00a0\u00a0 Most men only really need to say about 6000 words a day, and he’s pretty much tapped out by now – if you’re getting more than “Mmmmmmmmm,” it’s a bonus.\u00a0 Also, he’s desperately scared of saying the wrong thing – he invested a lot of time and energy getting to this part of the day, and he REALLY doesn’t want to screw it up and accidentally make you mad by opening his mouth other than to breathe – and possibly not even for that.\u00a0 Are his eyes bugging out a little?\u00a0 They are, aren’t they?\u00a0 He’s not going to open his mouth except to put something interesting in there.<\/p>\n Also, remember that he doesn’t expect to have to tell you what his throbbing member is doing, or where it is.\u00a0 He’s *really* hoping you can feel it, unless you’re still wearing that hot latex outfit or you’ve been anesthetized – locally, since if you’re under general anesthesia (A) he’s talking to himself and (B) that’s no time for Hey Hey, everything they say about dead girls notwithstanding.\u00a0 If you have to ask “So, where is it now?” he’s probably going to collapse.\u00a0<\/p>\n You, on the other hand, are welcome to cheer him on; provide direction, guidance, or instructions; keep the beat; whatever you like.\u00a0 If you’re counting on him to recognize how you’re doing by watching your eyebrows, forget it – we can’t\u00a0take hints well under normal circumstances, much less now.\u00a0\u00a0 Tell him what you like and he’ll do it.\u00a0 Don’t worry that he’s not doing the same – he’s not going to tell you what he likes, because anything you’re doing is great, trust me.\u00a0 If you think you’re not doing whatever it is you’re doing fast enough, remember that he’s not in a hurry to stop doing this.\u00a0<\/p>\n The only other thing to keep in mind is that if you make enough noise, you risk having the neighbors or kids check out the commotion and find you in Hey Hey Flagrante<\/a>.\u00a0\u00a0Lock the door.\u00a0 A friend of mine in college, who lived in Stalnaker Hall,\u00a0was known as the Stalnaker Screamer – and not because she’d seen a mouse, if you know what I mean.\u00a0<\/p>\n![\"A](\"http:\/\/images.cheezburger.com\/completestore\/2011\/8\/10\/b1a4d932-1b71-4d56-abc3-9d9fc2682e1e.png\" "\\"A")
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