Once upon a time there was a pre-kindergarten class that encouraged each student to bring home a stuffed bear of medium size. Each child was allowed to take Cookie, for that was this bear\u2019s name, home on a Friday to return on the Monday. Cookie was so named because he (why are most bears assumed to be male?) carried a life-sized chocolate chip cookie at all times, being as how it had been sewn to his right paw. (That had to hurt.) <\/p>\n
Let us take a moment to ensure the reader that only the cookie was life size, presumable since if it had been to scale with the bear, his name might have been Speck. <\/p>\n
Our story will chronicle the highlights of the weekend during which Cookie left the warm and altogether safe confines of the preschool and ventured to the home of the 5-yr-old Reigning Queen of Pink, Duchess of Fluff, and High Protector of Barbies. Cookie, who has \u201cbeen around the block with any number of clients\u201d (his words), found himself emotionally unprepared for the onslaught of Barbies, and what he later described to this chronicler as \u201cthe unbearable pinkness of being.\u201d <\/p>\n
The Duchess of Fluff quickly decided that Cookie, who as guest of honor was being accorded rights usually reserved for visiting royalty, should eat at the table with Herself. Since one does not argue with those who rule by divine right, even if only over Barbies, this plan was enacted with the caveat that Cookie would only watch<\/strong> the food and not actually partake of it. \u201cThank Pooh she didn\u2019t try to feed me,\u201d said Cookie later that night, over a nightcap. \u201cSome of the clients have gotten me so sticky, I needed an FDA nutrition label.\u201d <\/p>\n After a restless night, Saturday morning brought no respite from the Pink Ones. \u201cMy buddies are never going to believe this. I\u2019ve never been in the same bed with so many Barbies in my life!\u201d exclaimed Cookie. \u201cJust watching the sun rise over the mountains was mind-blowing. Although,\u201d he added, \u201cthe headless ones were kind of creepy.\u201d <\/p>\n Despite his lack of rest, the Queen of Pink kept Cookie hopping all day with tours of the upstairs, the downstairs, and the television. All went well until Cookie got an unexpected invitation to tour with the cat, Albus Dumbledore. \u201cMan, that cat knows how to make an offer I can\u2019t refuse,\u201d said Cookie, rubbing some feeling back into his leg after we found him. \u201cWhat\u2019s that thing weigh, 20, 30 pounds? Dude, that\u2019s not a housecat, it\u2019s a puma. I\u2019m surprised it\u2019s not pink.\u201d Keeping a close eye out for ferociously friendly felines, Cookie and the Reigning Queen of Pink, Duchess of Fluff, and High Protector of Barbies made their way together through games of horses (pink), houses (pink), snacks (pink), fairies (pink), and of course the ubiquitous Barbies. To ease the monochromotony, they watched the Human Sound Machine play his video game for a while. \u201cThis is a lot like watching professional football, but without the annoying need to pay attention to the time, the score, or the game,\u201d Cookie said sportingly. <\/p>\n A momentary lapse of reason following dinner had led to the unsupervised ingestion of dessert, at which point the Reigning Queen of Pink decided that Cookie would<\/strong> have some pudding, after all. \u201cGeez, I\u2019ve gotta be worth at least 5 Weight Watchers Points now,\u201d he muttered stickily. Once (somewhat) clean, the friends got back in bed, along with Ariel, Jasmine, Mulan, Aurora, Belle, Cinderella, and Snow White, plus a small host of Barbies whose names are known only to themselves and their High Protector. Cookie later claimed that he\u2019d learned all their names that evening, but had forgotten them all by morning. (\u201cJust like a bear,\u201d said one Barbie the next day, speaking on condition of anonymity.) <\/p>\n The highlight of Cookie\u2019s last day with the Reigning Queen of Pink, Duchess of Fluff, and High Protector of Barbies was accompanying Her Pinkness to the new Hanna Montana movie. \u201cWow,\u201d commented Cookie after the show, \u201cnot only was that my first trip to a big theater, but there was all that saccharine and sticky stuff on the screen, without any Points! I didn\u2019t even need a wash! It really IS<\/strong> the best of both worlds!\u201d <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Once upon a time there was a pre-kindergarten class that encouraged each student to bring home a stuffed bear of medium size. Each child was allowed to take Cookie, for that was this bear\u2019s name, home on a Friday to return on the Monday. Cookie was so named because he (why are most bears assumed […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[10],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/161"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=161"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/161\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=161"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=161"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=161"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}