It’s Friday, and that means answer time! For those of you who have commented with questions from previous ManFAQs, thank you. I’m adding yours to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years, and I will answer them all in turn – to continue to demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler.\u00a0 Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man. What could go wrong?<\/p>\n
Question:<\/strong> I was reading this post – http:\/\/madamenoire.com\/56323\/8-ways-to-make-a-man-feel-like-a-man\/<\/a> – about how to make your man “feel like a man” and I wanted your opinion.\u00a0 Does this stuff work?<\/em><\/p>\n Answer: <\/strong>What the hell?\u00a0 OK, the short answer is no.\u00a0 The article provides an intro and then 8 examples of how you can make your man feel like a man, whatever that means.\u00a0 In the interest of completeness, I will respond to each of these items in turn, to maximize your understanding of how far off she is in most of these cases.<\/p>\n The male ego is a fragile one.<\/em><\/strong> Like women, men need to know you care, that you are appreciative and that you love them. Just as daily compliments and sweet kisses make us feel feminine and pretty, there are similar things we can do for our men to help validate their masculinity. The things we say and do mean much more than they lend us to believe. Seldom do men admit to their specific emotional needs but, in many ways, they want the same things. Your man wants to feel loved; he wants to feel attractive; he wants to feel capable and needed. <\/em><\/span><\/p>\n OK, what?\u00a0 First off, no, he doesn\u2019t want to feel attractive or feel validated or feel needed, he wants to feel your chest.\u00a0 If you think his ego is fragile, you should assume that he thinks you\u2019re more likely to sleep with him if you think that.\u00a0 It\u2019s not fragile, it\u2019s just very, very hard.\u00a0 His \u201cspecific emotional needs\u201d are limited to Hey Hey and beer, for the most part, and if he seldom admits them, it\u2019s because they\u2019re embarrassingly short.<\/p>\n So much for the into.\u00a0 Then begin 8 tips for \u201chelping your man feel like the man he is,\u201d which I\u2019ll address in turn:<\/p>\n 1.\u00a0 Let him order for you. <\/em><\/strong>Ask him to take you to one of his favorite restaurants and insist he order for you. Since it\u2019s his spot, he will enjoy selecting something he\u2019s certain you will like. And, if you don\u2019t, send it back and let him try again.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n Send it back?\u00a0 This is not a game of Go Fish, Go Chicken, or Go Salad.\u00a0 This is a restaurant, and if you\u2019re going to let him order for you, you\u2019re damn well going to eat what shows up in front of you. \u00a0To say nothing of the wait staff at his favorite restaurant, who are going to cringe when they see you walking in with him next time.\u00a0 Send it back???<\/p>\n 2.\u00a0 Attend his company events. <\/em><\/strong>If you and your guy work in different industries, this is the perfect chance to let him professionally flex his arm candy. Men are often proud of the women they love, so let him bask in showing you off.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n Also, please wear the skimpiest outfit you have.\u00a0 As long as we\u2019re showing you off, let\u2019s make sure to push them up and out, highlight the orchestra and balcony.\u00a0 Flat and sassy isn\u2019t why you\u2019re here \u2013 that ain\u2019t it kid.\u00a0 Let\u2019s add a dash of silicone, tape that dress on and shake those maracas.\u00a0 You want him to get promoted, don\u2019tcha?<\/p>\n 3.\u00a0 Make his plate. <\/em><\/strong>Waiting on your man lets him know he is special and you want to take care of him. Whether you are visiting in-laws, attending a cookout or eating Chinese takeout at home, make a plate for the booskie \u2014 at least every once in a while. He will feel like he\u2019s doing his job and be inspired by your appreciation. <\/em><\/span><\/p>\n He\u2019s doing his job by sitting on his ass in front of the game and waiting for you to bring him food and beer?\u00a0 The only thing this is going to inspire him to do is keep sitting on his ass and waiting for you to bring him more food and beer.\u00a0 Also, he\u2019ll eventually suggest that you could bring that plate to him while naked.\u00a0 Although that may be an issue if by \u201cvisiting in-laws\u201d we mean your<\/strong> parents \u2013 his dad won\u2019t mind, and his mom probably thinks you\u2019re a hussy anyway.<\/p>\n Also, what the hell\u2019s a booskie?<\/p>\n 4.\u00a0 Put him in charge of the directions. <\/em><\/strong>Men like to think they are good at following and remembering directions. When he insists on knowing how to get somewhere, say O.K. Better yet, put the ball in his court and suggest he take the responsibility. You know, because he\u2019s so gifted.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n Look, we all know what a bad idea this is, right?\u00a0 I\u2019ve covered this one before, right?<\/a> Don\u2019t go there.\u00a0 Nothing good can come of this<\/a>.<\/p>\n 5.\u00a0 Give him full reign in the bedroom.<\/em><\/strong> Don\u2019t speak just moan and give your man complete control. Let him flip you up, down, over, under\u2014whatever he wants (within predetermined parameters, of course). Talk dirty, scream and groan so he can take credit for the bad girl moment. He will fall asleep feeling like a stallion.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n That\u2019s right ladies, it\u2019s better for him when you\u2019re standing on your head.\u00a0 Predetermined parameters?\u00a0 Bah, what fun are those?\u00a0 Let\u2019s go exploring!\u00a0 Open up!\u00a0 After all, he\u2019s looking for you to have that \u201cbad girl\u201d moment, so he can take credit for it \u2013 because only bad girls make noise<\/strong>.\u00a0 All the rest of the girls he\u2019s been with were quiet as mice.<\/p>\n Do you know why we have this myth?\u00a0 I\u2019ll tell you.\u00a0 It\u2019s because we never heard our parents in Hey Hey Flagrante.\u00a0 There\u2019s this subconscious thought that since MOM never made noise, either they never did it, or the right way to do it is silently.\u00a0 As a parent, I can tell you that it\u2019s quiet because we don\u2019t want to wake up the damn kids, not because it\u2019s more fun that way.\u00a0 Sheesh.<\/p>\n So please, just let him stand you on your head, curse for him a bit, and think of England.\u00a0 Don\u2019t worry about the stallion thing \u2013 he\u2019ll fall asleep regardless.<\/p>\n 6.\u00a0 Teach him to drive while pleasured. <\/em><\/strong>Men love oral sex, especially when it\u2019s uninhibited and spontaneous. Unzip his pants while he\u2019s driving and make that trip to church a little more exciting.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n Church???\u00a0 \u201cGive us this day our daily head\u201d is NOT how I remember that prayer, but hey, it\u2019s been a long time.\u00a0 Also, \u201cuninhibited and spontaneous?\u201d\u00a0 Have you ever given inhibited head?\u00a0 How does that work, exactly?\u00a0 And spontaneous \u2013 right, that\u2019s why we\u2019re planning this several days in advance.<\/p>\n Since we\u2019re here, let me clear up a few myths about this:\u00a0 No, we\u2019re not going to crash the car, assuming you don\u2019t knock into the gear shift.\u00a0 (The other<\/em> gear shift, thank you very much.)\u00a0 Also, no, we\u2019re really not going to steer over toward that 18-wheeler so the trucker can watch.\u00a0 (Unless you want us to, which is a different post.)<\/p>\n But anyway, yes, this one\u2019s a winner \u2013 make sure you both have something to feel freshly guilty about when you get to church.\u00a0 Great idea.<\/p>\n 7.\u00a0 Give him a massage. <\/em><\/strong>Ease him into the night after a long workday with a pre- or post-shower massage to help relieve tension. Verbalize how hard you know he works and how much you admire his ambition.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s not his ambition he\u2019s waiting for you to admire, and if you start rubbing him \u201cto relieve tension,\u201d you\u2019d better assume we\u2019re going to be rubbing everything else \u201cto relieve tension\u201d in short order.\u00a0 Showers after.\u00a0 Besides, we covered how hard he works in number 3, above \u2013 his job is sitting on his ass in front of the game and waiting for you to bring him food and beer.\u00a0 It\u2019s a tough job, but someone\u2019s got to do it.<\/p>\n 8.\u00a0 Thank him. <\/em><\/strong>It doesn\u2019t have to be for anything out of the ordinary. In fact, it will probably go farther if it isn\u2019t. Focus on the small things like how he always opens doors or takes the initiative to make minor repairs around your condo. Let him know you are thankful to have a man who can care for you.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n Thanks for picking up your damn underwear the second time I asked.\u00a0 Thanks for finally remembering the garbage goes out on Wednesday night.\u00a0 Thanks for ordering the pizza again.\u00a0 Sure, good idea.\u00a0 You could give him one of those little \u201cWinner\u201d statues as well; the second-grader down the street has a few he can loan you.\u00a0 Sadly, he won\u2019t get the irony.<\/p>\n Now you know.\u00a0 Please, feel free to comment!\u00a0 Also, forward any questions you’d like answered to BUMD – at – biguglymandoll.com!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" How can I make my man feel like a man? Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man. 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