OK, this is it.\u00a0 There’s nothing penultimate about this one.\u00a0 Today is the last full day before the end of the world as we know it.\u00a0 How do you feel?\u00a0 Tell me, how do you feel?<\/p>\n
Right, I thought so.\u00a0 I’ve been counting down all the things that I am Not Gonna Miss come the rapture tomorrow, and I have to confess I’m feeling pretty good about it all.\u00a0 I’m not gonna miss the hair on The Donald, and I’m certainly not gonna miss Charlie Sheen and our loonyfauxtainment system – nor the prices we have to pay the damn cable companies to be loonyfauxtained.\u00a0<\/p>\n
There are so many things that will end too soon, it’s true, and so many hopes and dreams will die unrealized when the world ends tomorrow afternoon.\u00a0 Bummer.\u00a0<\/p>\n
But of all the things I’m Not Gonna Miss, speaking of hopes and dreams that die unrealized, there’s one thing that was always going to stand out at the top of this list.<\/p>\n
Number 10:\u00a0 Donald Trump\u2019s Hair<\/a>. You know, a friend of mine mentioned the other day that I seemed like an optimist.\u00a0 “You amaze me,” she said, “you always seem to have faith that things will work out.”\u00a0 I responded with the simple truth: Of course I have faith. I’m programmed<\/span> to have faith. I’m a goddamn Cubs fan.\u00a0 It’s what we do.<\/p>\n A lot can happen between May and October.\u00a0 Just because we nearly lead the league in runs allowed doesn’t mean we can’t pull it out.\u00a0 Right?\u00a0 Just because we haven’t won a World Series in a century doesn’t mean we won’t win it this year.\u00a0 This is next year!\u00a0 Who’s with me?\u00a0 Just because we haven’t even BEEN to a world series in 66 years doesn’t mean we won’t win it this year!\u00a0<\/p>\n Yeah, it does.\u00a0 We won’t win it this year either.\u00a0 We know.\u00a0 But we’re still going to cheer.\u00a0 We’re still going to have faith that things will work out.\u00a0 We’re Cubs fans, after all.\u00a0 It’s what we do.<\/p>\n So please God, because I’m Not Gonna Miss watching the Chicago Cubs blow the pennant every damn year, call the Rapture tomorrow.\u00a0 Because Harry Caray is waiting for us all in Heaven:\u00a0 “Cubs win! Holy Cow!”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Countdown to the Rapture: I’m Not Gonna Miss watching the Chicago Cubs blow the pennant every damn year, call the Rapture tomorrow. Because Harry Caray is waiting for us all in Heaven: “Cubs win! Holy Cow!”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[15,51,16,14],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1404"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1404"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1404\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1412,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1404\/revisions\/1412"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1404"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1404"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1404"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nNumber 9:\u00a0 People who can\u2019t drive in bad weather<\/a>.
\nNumber 8:\u00a0 Annoying Facebook status update memes<\/a>.
\nNumber 7:\u00a0 Cheap Beer<\/a>.
\nNumber 6:\u00a0 Natural Disasters<\/a>.
\nNumber 5:\u00a0 Prophesies about the End of the World that turn out to be wrong<\/a>.
\nNumber 4:\u00a0 Organized religions<\/a>.
\nNumber 3:\u00a0 Dieting<\/a>.
\n<\/strong>Number 2:\u00a0 Celebrities who can\u2019t handle celebrity<\/a>.
\nNumber 1:\u00a0 Watching the Chicago Cubs blow the pennant every damn year.<\/strong><\/p>\n