{"id":1380,"date":"2011-05-18T07:59:52","date_gmt":"2011-05-18T11:59:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=1380"},"modified":"2011-05-18T08:06:15","modified_gmt":"2011-05-18T12:06:15","slug":"countdown-to-the-rapture-ngm-edition-day-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=1380","title":{"rendered":"Countdown to the Rapture, NGM Edition: Day 3"},"content":{"rendered":"

Folks, the TV show Glee has made a few of your lists for things you’re Not Gonna Miss, and I can’t tell you how close it’s come to making mine.\u00a0 It’s been a near thing.\u00a0 They only have one sympathtic character, and they give her all the good lines.\u00a0 (“You think that’s hard?\u00a0 I’m counting down ’til the Rapture!\u00a0 That’s <\/strong>hard!”)\u00a0 I just can’t make myself suspend enough disbelief to give a damn.\u00a0 I just don’t care if Finn and Shue have made up and are kissing again, or who Puck wants to bang today.\u00a0 Shut up and sing already – I’ve seen better plots in porn movies.\u00a0 But as much as I’m Not Gonna Miss it, it’s not bad enough to make the Top Ten list:<\/p>\n

Number 10:\u00a0 Donald Trump\u2019s Hair<\/a>.
\nNumber 9:\u00a0 People who can\u2019t drive in bad weather<\/a>.
\nNumber 8:\u00a0 Annoying Facebook status update memes<\/a>.
\nNumber 7:\u00a0 Cheap Beer<\/a>.
\nNumber 6:\u00a0 Natural Disasters<\/a>.
\nNumber 5:\u00a0 Prophesies about the End of the World that turn out to be wrong<\/a>.
\nNumber 4:\u00a0 Organized religions<\/a>.
\nNumber 3:\u00a0 Dieting.<\/strong><\/p>\n

It’s been noted that diet is just “die” spelled with a T at the end, and I think there’s a reason for this.\u00a0 Let’s face it, there’s a reason I’m not called the Small Ugly Man Doll – and it’s not all beer.\u00a0\u00a0 Most of us like a nice outing to the Fatty Snax deli at least once in a while – Mmmmm, butter, bacon, beef, it’s like a litany of deisre for my tastebuds.\u00a0 Rich foods, that nice sharp chocolate, and a good Scotch – counting\u00a0calories my eternally expanding ass, let’s eat!<\/p>\n

In heaven, I won’t watch my cholesterol, my weight, my calorie intake, or my liver.\u00a0 Or I’m not going.\u00a0 Here on earth, I go to the Dr to hear that I should eat less and exercise more.\u00a0 I’ve heard it often enough that I’m starting my own weight loss program – watch your bookshelves, because I’m going to publish shortly after the Rapture!\u00a0 You know, in case anyone’s still here.<\/p>\n

So please Lord, because I’m Not Gonna Miss watching my weight – call the Rapture on May 21st.\u00a0 And have the grill fired up – let’s cook the golden Ox while we watch Glee re-runs.\u00a0 Maybe there’s a plot in heaven.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Countdown to the Rapture: So please Lord, because I’m Not Gonna Miss watching my weight – call the Rapture on May 21st. And have the grill fired up – let’s cook the golden Ox!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[26,42,51,16,14],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1380"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1380"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1380\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1386,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1380\/revisions\/1386"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1380"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1380"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1380"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}