{"id":1352,"date":"2011-05-15T12:55:02","date_gmt":"2011-05-15T16:55:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=1352"},"modified":"2011-05-16T13:39:47","modified_gmt":"2011-05-16T17:39:47","slug":"countdown-to-the-rapture-ngm-edition-%e2%80%93-day-6","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=1352","title":{"rendered":"Countdown to the Rapture, NGM Edition \u2013 Day 6"},"content":{"rendered":"

We\u2019re into single digits \u2013 there are now only 6 full days left \u2019til the end of the world.\u00a0 In case you still <\/strong>doubt, yesterday we watched the opening of the Morganza Floodgates <\/a>in Louisiana.\u00a0 Hundreds of people there are now left with the impression that, while Rome might not have been destroyed in a day<\/a>, the town of Gibson, LA might be – and that the prediction of May 21st being the end of the world was in fact off by about a week.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I\u2019m continuing to highlight a different thing each day that I\u2019m NOT GONNA MISS come the Rapture, and I’m counting on YOU to\u00a0comment if you haven’t yet with your own NGM thoughts as well \u2013 I\u2019m keeping the list, and I\u2019ll tally them up and see what we\u2019re all least likely to miss at the end of all things.<\/p>\n

Number 10:\u00a0 Donald Trump\u2019s Hair<\/a>.
\nNumber 9:\u00a0 People who can\u2019t drive in bad weather<\/a>.
\nNumber 8:\u00a0 Annoying Facebook status update memes<\/a>.
\nNumber 7:\u00a0 Cheap Beer<\/a>.
\nNumber 6:\u00a0 Natural Disasters.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Look God, You told that Noah dude You were done with the whole “destroying the earth and all the creatures with water” thing back in the day.\u00a0\u00a0 I gotta tell Ya, there’s about a gazillion folks all over this planet, from Phuket to Jakarta to the northern coast of Japan to the South Central US and Morganza, Louisiana, who are really thinking You might just have reneged on the rainbow, if You know what I’m sayin’.\u00a0\u00a0 Water may be the stuff of life, but a guy my size can drown in less than 2 cups of it – never mind 150,000 cubic feet per second.\u00a0 (I love the Cajun way of putting things, though – faced with 150,000 cubic feet of water per second, the salient quote was, “That can’t be good.”)\u00a0<\/p>\n

Also, tornados?\u00a0 What’s up with that?\u00a0 Hey, this looks like fun, let’s see how fast I can get this whirligig thingy going?\u00a0 Did You really program them to be attracted to trailer parks, or are You bowling?\u00a0\u00a0 I mean, volcanoes I understand, and it’s not like they go off without warning – hey, look, a big bloody mountain, wonder what’s under it, yeah, we get that.\u00a0 But earthquakes?\u00a0 Tsunamis?\u00a0 Justin Bieber?\u00a0 Really, that’s just dirty pool.\u00a0 Oh, and the whole “lightning hitting the steeple” gag – You’re showing Your hand there, You know that, right?<\/p>\n

So God, because I\u2019m Not Gonna Miss\u00a0Your natural disasters \u2013 call the Rapture on May 21.\u00a0 And stop trying to pick up the seven-ten split with a brace of mobile homes.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So God, because I\u2019m Not Gonna Miss Your natural disasters \u2013 call the Rapture on May 21. And stop trying to pick up the seven-ten split with a brace of mobile homes.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[51,16,14],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1352"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1352"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1352\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1367,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1352\/revisions\/1367"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1352"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1352"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1352"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}