{"id":1308,"date":"2011-05-09T13:46:45","date_gmt":"2011-05-09T17:46:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=1308"},"modified":"2011-05-09T13:46:45","modified_gmt":"2011-05-09T17:46:45","slug":"no-more-bubbleyum-bubblegum-for-you-grommet","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=1308","title":{"rendered":"No More BubbleYum BubbleGum for You, Grommet!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The Human Tape Recorder was wired up with braces today, inaugurating a process that I&#8217;m sure will result in wonderfully straight teeth, happy smiles, and a bill higher than the defense budget of several developing countries.\u00a0 I was very much excited at the start of the process, but then the tech explained that they were not,\u00a0after all,\u00a0going to use the wires to keep her jaw shut.\u00a0 I&#8217;d&#8217;ve paid extra for that, and said so, but she muttered something about ethics and ignored me from then on.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>The child in question, on the other hand, seemed quite happy to be getting wired up &#8211; braces are the new middle school status symbol, I guess.\u00a0 Seems odd.\u00a0 Then again, when I was her age, BubbleYum BubbleGum was the status symbol of choice &#8211; I can still taste that deep grape purple flavor in the back of my mind&#8217;s tastebuds.\u00a0 Ooh, I think I just got a new cavity thinking about it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Human Tape Recorder was wired up with braces today, inaugurating a process that I&#8217;m sure will result in wonderfully straight teeth, happy smiles, and a bill higher than the defense budget of several developing countries. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[61,47,3,40],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1308"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1308"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1308\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1309,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1308\/revisions\/1309"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1308"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1308"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1308"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}