{"id":1241,"date":"2011-05-04T22:33:25","date_gmt":"2011-05-05T02:33:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=1241"},"modified":"2011-05-05T07:46:21","modified_gmt":"2011-05-05T11:46:21","slug":"weekend-road-trip-part-duex-friday-and-the-rush-to-easter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=1241","title":{"rendered":"Weekend Road Trip, Part Deux: Friday and the Rush to Easter"},"content":{"rendered":"

OK, where were we<\/a>? I started the Easter Weekend Road Trip and was then caught in one of the never-ending eddies in the space-time continuum.\u00a0 Oh yeah, we were leaving Toms River, NJ, despite not having seen any damn river. Decent doughnuts, though.<\/p>\n

There was a quick trip back to the beach, where Number One Son took great delight in throwing anything handed to him into the frigid Atlantic surf.<\/p>\n

BUMD: “Hey, son, look at this seashell!”
\nNOS: “Neat.” (Whoosh, splash.)
\nBUMD: “Um. Right.”<\/p>\n

I was just a little bit late in explaining this to SOBUMD, who walked up to him with a piece of driftwood, “look at this!” (Whoosh, splash.) “Hey…”<\/p>\n

Yeah. Be sure you get a receipt before you hand him stuff if you’re near a good place to throw things. Good thing she hadn’t asked him to hold her sunglasses.<\/p>\n

\"The<\/a>

The HTR Bites Off More Than She Can Chew<\/p><\/div>\n

Once we were properly beached, it was wheels up for lunch on the way to SOBUMD\u2019s folks’ house in PA. \u00a0And by lunch, I mean \u201cthe entire caloric intake of an extended family of 20 in most of the developing world.\u201d\u00a0 If you’ve never been to Harold’s Deli<\/a>, and you value your life, stay away. The sandwiches are the size of my ego.\u00a0 My ego<\/strong>, folks.<\/p>\n

We\u2019re talking about epic food.\u00a0 Needless to say, it was lunch.\u00a0 And dinner.\u00a0 And breakfast, and some of lunch the following day.\u00a0\u00a0Number One Son ordered the \u201cMini Burger\u201d \u2013 so named on the menu.\u00a0 It was only 2 pounds and the size of a dinner plate.\u00a0 He\u2019s still breaking off pieces for lunch, 2 weeks later.<\/p>\n

The best part of Harold\u2019s, in addition to a pickle bar the length of the stretch limo you rented for your wedding, was leaving, because we drove past the most tricked out, pimpin\u2019, Solid Gold Rockin\u2019 Quality Inn that you have ever seen.\u00a0 No one in their right mind thinks, “Oh, I know, I\u2019ll design a Quality Inn and make it look like a Vegas casino and whorehouse and convention center all in one!”\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what this was, but I\u2019m sure Quality Inn got a good deal on it when it went under.<\/p>\n

\"The<\/a>

The Quality Inn of the Gods<\/p><\/div>\n

I want to stay there some time, just to see if I survive the night.<\/p>\n

From there, off to the in-law\u2019s house.\u00a0 When we pulled into Nazareth, I was feeling about half past dead.\u00a0 We got to my in-law\u2019s house, pulled in, and SOBUMD shouted, \u201cShe\u2019s here! \u00a0She\u2019s here!\u201d<\/p>\n

I knew we were coming to visit Oma and Opa, as well as SOBUMD\u2019s Aunt Wilma and her favorite cousin (he said, hoping Lynda\u2019s the only one of SOBUMD\u2019s cousins who reads this); we hadn\u2019t known that they were bringing Dandelion Deb with them.\u00a0 I was glad to have more people \u2013 we needed help eating Friday\u2019s lunch from Harold\u2019s Deli.<\/p>\n

Dandelion Deb is one of those quietly cool people who are *really* funny, but you have to be listening.\u00a0 She\u2019s also serious about her passions, one of which is trying to eat Organic.\u00a0 Now, I\u2019d heard of organic, and some of our food tends to be organic simply because when you\u2019re buying around the Reigning Queen of Pink\u2019s allergies \u2013 no corn, no eggs, no dairy, no food dyes, to name a few \u2013 you roll an organic label three throws out of five.\u00a0 But it\u2019s not something we\u2019d pursued actively.<\/p>\n

Not so Dandelion Deb, who asked about salad:\u00a0 \u201cHave you fertilized your lawn this year?\u201d\u00a0 That answer being Not Yet, I went with her to hand-select and pick the sweetest, juiciest dandelions from the yard, which we proceeded to clean, cook, and pass around the table.\u00a0 In addition to being the best dandelions I\u2019ve ever had, they were really quite good.\u00a0 Needless to say, I was completely atwitter with excitement, contemplating the sheer volume of produce in my yard at home.\u00a0 I\u2019m certain my neighbors share my excitement.\u00a0 Now if I can just find some illegal immigants to pick them for me\u2026<\/p>\n

Once again, ales were quaffed, walks were walked \u2013 they don\u2019t walk themselves, you know \u2013 and plans were laid for a trip to SOBUMD\u2019s brother\u2019s house the following day \u2013 where MORE aunts and uncles would appear.\u00a0 It was to be A Gathering.\u00a0 Since it was the day before Easter, it was deemed an Early Easter Gathering.\u00a0 Besides, we needed more help eating Friday\u2019s lunch from Harold\u2019s Deli.<\/p>\n

Now, many members of SOBUMDs family are actually reverent and observant and altogether more gentle and gracious than, say, I am.\u00a0 In the face of an Early Easter Gathering, SOBUMD and I determined that the blessed little hellions we\u2019re raising should get a quick primer on behaving themselves.<\/p>\n

BUMD: <\/strong>\u201cGuys, if someone says grace, bow your heads and keep your mouths shut if you don\u2019t know the words.”
\nSOBUMD:<\/strong> \u201cAll of you.\u00a0 Just because we\u2019re not very religious doesn\u2019t mean you can be disrespectful.”
\nHTR:<\/strong> \u201cWhy do we worry about this?\u00a0 They already know we don’t say grace before we eat.”
\nSOBUMD: <\/strong> \u201cDon’t worry about it, we’re going to Hell.\u00a0 Just make sure you do it.”
\nRQoP:<\/strong> \u201cWhen are we going???\u00a0 ‘Cause I need to pack!<\/span>”<\/p>\n

And sure enough, right in the middle of the Lord\u2019s Prayer, just as we got to giving us this day our daily bread, the RQoP pipes up, \u201cBREAD!<\/span>\u201d<\/strong> at the top of her lungs.\u00a0 Face-psalm!<\/p>\n

We retired to SOBUMD\u2019s sister\u2019s house, where cousins bonded over video games and siblings bonded over \u201cNo, these are grown up drinks and you can\u2019t have some.\u201d\u00a0 Most of the crew returned the next day following Easter service to continue eating Friday\u2019s lunch from Harold\u2019s Deli.\u00a0 A good time was had by all!<\/p>\n

A good time is a good thing, and like all good things this came to an end when we got back on that long lonely highway, following the old yellow line to the Old Dominion and home.\u00a0 And by \u201clonely highway\u201d I mean cars stacked up for 16 miles waiting to get through the E-Z Pass lanes at the toll plazas.<\/p>\n

The Human Tape Recorder was depressed at one point to hear the radio version of Katy Perry’s “Hot and Cold.”\u00a0 I had to remind her that we were in fact listening to the radio, and that the rest of society had not yet slipped the bonds of decency and good taste that our family seems to have shrugged out of like Houdini’s friggin\u2019 straightjacket.\u00a0 \u201cBesides,\u201d chimed in Number One Son, \u201cit is<\/strong> Easter Sunday.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBread!<\/span>\u201d replied the RQoP.\u00a0 Sometimes it\u2019s best not to ask.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By lunch, I mean \u201cthe entire caloric intake of an extended family of 20 in most of the developing world.\u201d Dandelion Deb is serious about her passions, one of which is trying to eat Organic: \u201cHave you fertilized your lawn this year?\u201d That answer being Not Yet, I went with her to hand-select and pick the sweetest, juiciest dandelions from the yard.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[61,47,16,3,5,40,10,48,4],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1241"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1241"}],"version-history":[{"count":21,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1241\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1299,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1241\/revisions\/1299"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1241"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1241"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1241"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}