“We Alter Anything!” – seen on a sign for a tailor shop.<\/p>\n
\u201cAlterations, may I help you?\u201d
\n\u201cAh, yes, there are only two weeks before my wedding and none of my six bridesmaids fit into their dresses. Can you help?\u201d
\n\u201cYes! Just bring everyone in, with the dresses, as soon as you can, and we\u2019ll make sure everyone fits in their dresses just fine. We\u2019ll take care of everything. How\u2019s your dress?\u201d
\n\u201cOh, it\u2019s fine. How much will this cost?\u201d
\n\u201cWell, we charge $100 per person, so that would be $600.\u201d
\n\u201cUmmm. Well, OK. Tomorrow?\u201d
\n\u201cThat will be fine. See you tomorrow!\u201d
\n\u201cDon\u2019t you need more information, like my name and -\u201d
\n\u201cNope! Just drop by anytime tomorrow! Bye now!\u201d
\n\u201cUmmm… Bye.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAlterations, may I help you?\u201d
\n\u201cUm, yes, are you the people to call to get my pet spayed?\u201d
\n\u201cSure! We can take care of that for you. What kind of pet?\u201d
\n\u201cHe\u2019s a dog, Fido the Ferocious.\u201d
\n\u201cNot for long. Can you bring him by on Wednesday?\u201d
\n\u201cThat would be great.\u201d
\n\u201cFine, see you both then! Bye now!\u201d
\n\u201cOh, um, goodbye -\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAlterations, may I help you?\u201d
\n\u201cUm, yes, I\u2019d like an alteration…\u201d
\n\u201cYes, that\u2019s what we do. What would like altered?\u201d
\n\u201cWell, all my life I\u2019ve felt kind of maladjusted, like I didn\u2019t really belong. Mostly with other guys, you know?\u201d
\n\u201cWell, I really don\u2019t know, but continue…\u201d
\n\u201cWell, I\u2019ve been thinking, and I think I was supposed to be born a girl. I want you to make me into a woman. Can you do alterations like that?\u201d
\n\u201cCertainly! We can alter anything, that\u2019s what we do, like I said. Why don\u2019t you drop by our office day after tomorrow, which would be Wednesday. Is Wednesday good for you?\u201d
\n\u201cSure! Golly, I\u2019m glad I called you. I feel better just thinking about being a woman!\u201d
\n\u201cGlad to help! See you Wednesday. Bye now!\u201d
\n\u201cBye!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAlterations, may I help you?\u201d
\n\u201cGod damn, I sure hope so! Lord knows no one else seems to be willing to try. My boyfriend is such an asshole, and I, like, saw your ad in the paper that says `We Alter Anything\u2019? So like, can you alter him into not such a jerk, or like replace him or something?\u201d
\n\u201cWell, if you can bring him in, we can work with him. We also have a sister corporation, Replacements, Unltd., that can affect a replacement if you decide to go that route. If you just want him altered, we do guarantee our work for one full year…\u201d
\n\u201cOh, that would be wonderful! What are your rates?\u201d
\n\u201cWe charge $100 per person. When could you bring the lout in?\u201d
\n\u201cUm, Saturday morning would be best, I could tell him we were going to the A.M. brew-thru and he\u2019d still be too hungover to notice. Are you, like, open on Saturdays?\u201d
\n\u201cAbsolutely. We\u2019ll see you this Saturday, then. Bye now!\u201d
\n\u201cG\u2019Bye!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAlterations, may I help you?\u201d
\n\u201cOh, man, I need a new life.\u201d
\n\u201cA whole new life, literally, or just several radical changes to this one?\u201d
\n\u201cOh. I guess not a whole new life. Wouldn\u2019t you have to, like, kill me for that, heh heh?\u201d
\n\u201cWell, there are workarounds, but we would certainly expect payment in advance. Would you like to schedule an interview and talk with an alterations professional?\u201d
\n\u201cOh, yeah, hey, that would be great. Um, Thursday?\u201d
\n\u201cThursday morning will be fine. We\u2019ll see you then! Bye now!\u201d
\n\u201cBye!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAlterations, may I help you?\u201d
\n\u201cYeah, hey this weather sucks, you know?\u201d
\n\u201cYes sir, we\u2019ll get right on it!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
“We Alter Anything!” – seen on a sign for a tailor shop. \u201cAlterations, may I help you?\u201d \u201cAh, yes, there are only two weeks before my wedding and none of my six bridesmaids fit into their dresses. Can you help?\u201d \u201cYes! Just bring everyone in, with the dresses, as soon as you can, and we\u2019ll […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[44],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/116"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=116"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/116\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":491,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/116\/revisions\/491"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=116"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=116"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=116"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}