It’s Friday, and that means answer time! For those of you who have commented with questions from previous ManFAQs, thank you. I’m adding yours to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years, and I will answer them all in turn – to continue to demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler.\u00a0 Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man. What could go wrong?<\/p>\n
Question:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Why porn?\u00a0 Honestly, what on earth is the attraction?\u00a0 And then, why are your attempts to “hide it” so pathetic and ill conceived?<\/em><\/p>\n Answer:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Ah, a\u00a0tough <\/strong>question, and by tough I mean dangerous to the one answering it, since responses to the topic tend to be polarized.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0First, and I want to be perfectly clear on this \u2013 the attraction is you.\u00a0 The female form has long been considered beautiful, and the opportunity to see said forms without their clothes on doesn\u2019t come up much in our daily life outside of museums.\u00a0 And those<\/strong> women are less approachable \u2013 the whole \u201cmade out of stone\u201d thing and the \u201cmuseum guards with guns\u201d part puts them in a class with 17-yr-old heiresses \u2013 Paris Hilton notwithstanding.\u00a0<\/p>\n I\u2019m given to understand that many women feel the same way about some men.\u00a0 I\u2019ll take it on faith, but most of us would rather see naked women.\u00a0 Ya\u2019ll just nicer to look at.\u00a0 We like fire, we like beer, we like naked women.\u00a0 We\u2019re looking for some titillation that you can\u2019t find at the MOMA.\u00a0 (Jeff Foxworthy may have said this pretty well: “I’d like a beer and I’d like to see something naked.”)\u00a0<\/p>\n And I\u2019m going to stop here and say this: \u00a0porn that depicts hurtful, degrading things \u2013 perhaps it has its place in the pantheon of free speech, but that\u2019s not what I\u2019m talking about.\u00a0 Porn with happy consenting adults doing things they enjoy, is what we\u2019re talking about.\u00a0 Note that I don\u2019t exclude things that are painful, or the full range of BDSM \u2013 everything has its place in the pantheon of free speech between happy consenting adults.\u00a0<\/p>\n The Internet is a great learning tool.\u00a0 I used to think that I was a pervert.\u00a0 Then I found the Internet, and I learned that not only am I normal, I\u2019m actually pretty boring.\u00a0 This was quite a revelation for me.\u00a0 I\u2019d never thought of myself as boring in anything, and suddenly I found that what I thought was \u201cpushing the envelope\u201d was, in fact, not even pushing the postage stamp.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n So having defined our terms, what is the attraction?\u00a0 Let\u2019s take a short quiz.\u00a0 When you\u2019re in the mood for a little Hey Hey, do you have to do more than take off your clothes and say \u201cCome here?\u201d\u00a0 No, I didn’t think so.\u00a0 (Granted, I\u2019m generalizing from one example, but everyone does that.\u00a0 At least, I do.)\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to wait, or wonder what kind of mood we\u2019re in, or buy us dinner.\u00a0 We, on the other hand, think about sex around 800 times a week, and we don\u2019t have that kind of control over when the Hey Hey magic happens.\u00a0 Here\u2019s an experiment.\u00a0 Right now, look at the guy nearest you (over 18, please).\u00a0 Has he made eye contact with you?\u00a0 He\u2019s thinking about sex.\u00a0 Unless you\u2019re *really* ugly, he\u2019s probably thinking about his chances with you.\u00a0 In fact, he\u2019s thinking about his chances with you anyway, regardless of what you look like \u2013 we\u2019re like that.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n So, if he\u2019s thinking about it too often and it\u2019s late and you\u2019re already sleeping and he\u2019s on line, his mind wanders, and he looks.\u00a0 Maybe he\u2019s only looking at soft core stuff, maybe he\u2019s searching for something new to try with you next time you shoot him that “come hither” look.\u00a0 Maybe he likes really hard-core porn, like Canadian women modeling latex outfits.\u00a0 But he\u2019s looking because you\u2019re not there right then, and he\u2019s afraid to wake you because you\u2019ll kick his ass for waking you up to talk about Hey Hey at 0100 o\u2019clock in the morning, and he\u2019s not going to get to sleep otherwise.\u00a0 Like the song says<\/a>, at this point there\u2019s nothing to do but grab your dick and double-click.\u00a0 And pretty soon he\u2019s double clicking like crazy.<\/p>\n And then you wake up.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n And he hears your feet.<\/p>\n And he can\u2019t close the browser window AND let go of the mouse AND pull his pants up at the same time, and he panics, because he\u2019s embarrassed.\u00a0 Remember, he started doing this in his teens, and the urge to hide what he\u2019s doing is ingrained in him so that his mother won\u2019t find out.\u00a0 (I\u2019m generalizing again here, Mom.\u00a0 I was just washing my hands in there.\u00a0 Broaaaad generalizations here.)\u00a0 So you\u2019ve got a naked man \u2013 and we know they do VERY little thinking <\/a>\u2013 and he’s trying to process how to deal with the computer and<\/strong> get his skivvies back over his raging Johnson and<\/strong> talk to you as though he was working on a spreadsheet and was just about to come to bed, and<\/strong> at the same time he\u2019s suddenly realizing that the simple fact that you\u2019re awake anyhow<\/span> means that maybe, just maybe, there\u2019s a chance that if he plays it right he can hook that carabineer to the Hey Hey zipline tonight after all \u2013 and you\u2019re wondering why he seems pathetic?\u00a0 It\u2019s a wonder he can form a sentence.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n My advice?\u00a0 Be kind.\u00a0 Ask him to show you what he was looking at, and talk about what he likes \u2013 or didn\u2019t like.\u00a0 No one expects you to \u201cmeasure up\u201d to some overpainted pipe cleaner with $10K boobs, any more than we\u2019re going to measure up to John Holmes.\u00a0 He\u2019s not looking because you\u2019re not pretty enough \u2013 he\u2019s looking because you\u2019re asleep and he\u2019s not.\u00a0 Treat it as a learning opportunity.\u00a0 As Robert Heinlein said, \u201cMasturbation is cheap, clean, convenient, and free of any possibility of wrongdoing \u2013 and you don’t have to go home in the cold.\u00a0 But it’s lonely.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n Now you know.\u00a0 Please, feel free to comment!\u00a0 Also, forward\u00a0any questions you’d<\/strong> like answered to BUMD – at – biguglymandoll.com!<\/p>\n Why porn? And why are your attempts to hide it so pathetic? Actual questions, posed by real women, and answered by a REAL man. What could go wrong? Masturbation is cheap, clean, convenient, and free of any possibility of wrongdoing \u2013 and you don’t have to go home in the cold. But it’s lonely.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[41],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1113"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1113"}],"version-history":[{"count":18,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1113\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1162,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1113\/revisions\/1162"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1113"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1113"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1113"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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