I think I need to go double check the fine print on my freezer.\u00a0 It’s supposed to keep things cold, yes.\u00a0 Frozen, even.\u00a0 And technically, it meets those specifications.<\/p>\n
I bring my lunch to work, to ensure consistent quality instead of taking my chances with the local fare.\u00a0 (Also, because I’m a Big Ugly Cheap<\/span> Man Doll.)\u00a0 And so in the morning, I go downstairs to the Great Ice Box and pull out a frozen something for lunch.\u00a0 Luckily, they’re labeled (bringing a frozen Tupperware box of chicken stock for lunch can be off-putting).\u00a0 This morning, for example, I brought a container marked Gumbo.<\/p>\n (I digress here to mention that why yes, I am<\/strong> the envy of my office when I eat lunch.)<\/p>\n Heating my lunch in the office microwave, however, is an exercise in patience.\u00a0 I can heat water in this thing in under 45 seconds – it’s a reasonably powerful microwave.\u00a0\u00a0 (It can kill cockroaches –\u00a0it’s that good.)\u00a0\u00a0 But the Gumbo – and anything else I bring in, including, say, chicken stock – takes 10 minutes or longer.\u00a0 I stop and stir in the middle of it, I scrape around the edges – and the food spins around in the microwave.\u00a0 Sometimes the Zip-top of the “microwave and dishwasher safe” plastic box starts to melt.\u00a0 The food, though, having been frozen to a standard not usually seen outside Class 4 bio-hazard facilities, stays cool.<\/p>\n I’m worried that I accidentally sold my soul to the freezer.\u00a0 Come to think of it, I did<\/em><\/strong> cut myself putting it in – could it have considered that to be a blood pact between us?\u00a0 The food’s been getting colder and I’ve been feeling more and more tired in the past few months…\u00a0<\/p>\n Yeah, I’d better check the fine print on the manual.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I’m worried that I accidentally sold my soul to the freezer. Come to think of it, I did cut myself putting it in – could it have considered that to be a blood pact between us? The food’s been getting colder and I’ve been feeling more and more tired in the past few months… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[44,7],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1077"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1077"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1077\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1078,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1077\/revisions\/1078"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1077"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1077"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1077"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}