{"id":1018,"date":"2011-01-13T12:34:05","date_gmt":"2011-01-13T16:34:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=1018"},"modified":"2011-01-13T12:45:08","modified_gmt":"2011-01-13T16:45:08","slug":"just-called-to-say-hello","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=1018","title":{"rendered":"Just Called to Say Hello"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I have a friend who can be a little breathless, and breathtaking, on the phone.\u00a0 There are the small, social niceties that sometimes can make all the difference.\u00a0 &#8220;Hello,&#8221; for example, and &#8220;Do you have a minute,&#8221; or &#8220;You&#8217;re never going to believe this,&#8221; are phrases that the savvy conversationalist can use to pave the way for a story.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>She doesn&#8217;t have any of those.<\/p>\n<p>My friend has recently been on a kind of medication that tends to stop you up, if you know what I mean, and for the past six days had not passed her bowels.\u00a0 (Yes, it&#8217;s another <a title=\"True Tales of Doody\" href=\"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/?p=888\" target=\"_self\">True Tale of Doody<\/a>.)\u00a0 Yesterday, the magic moment finally arrived, and to her great relief she passed 6 days&#8217; worth of stoppage.\u00a0 Wanting to share the glory with her best friend, she called her husband &#8211; to whom else would you relate such an achievement?\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>He answered the phone and never got to say hello, since as usual she launched into her True Tale of Doody with nary a pause, reciting a blow-by-blow account of the best 15 minutes she&#8217;d spent since calling Geico last year.\u00a0 In great detail.\u00a0 With sound effects.\u00a0 When, after a full two minutes of this recitation, she finally wound down, her husband asked her\u00a0the one\u00a0question she had not been expecting.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;I&#8217;m sorry, who is this?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Wrong number.\u00a0 Sometimes, it pays to say Hi.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Wrong number!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[44],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1018"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1018"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1018\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1053,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1018\/revisions\/1053"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1018"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1018"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.biguglymandoll.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1018"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}