Posts tagged ‘god’

Free Thinking on the 4th of July

4 July, 2011 | | 5 Comments

As the impressive Peter Cook might have asked, “Fweedom?  …   What is  …  Fweedom?”

It’s easy to love this country.  We have more freedom than we know what to do with.  The other day, a guy riding a motorcycle was protecting his freedom to ride without a helmet, in an organized ride to protest helmet laws.  He went over his bike and was killed, of course, because he wasn’t wearing a helmet, but by God he died free.

We’re free to believe 6 impossible things before breakfast.  Well, four, if you include Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann.  We’re free to sit on our asses and watch the Chinese kick their own economy into high gear while we do conga lines in the pool.  We’re free to debate the separation of state powers from the church – any church you like, in fact!  We get to protest the inclusion of all sorts of religions in our government, not just one. 

When this country was founded, people were 60 percent water and 40 percent other stuff.  That other stuff is now pretty much corn and soy.  By choice.  We’re free to grow more corn than we can ever eat, no matter how much corn syrup we put in our food, no matter how much food we eat in front of the television. 

I’m free to sit here by the water with my beer and type this as I listen to my kids argue with their cousins, watching the tide come in.  Tonight there will be fireworks, more beer, and celebrations of freedom. 

We’re free to get moving, put our differences aside, focus more on our shared values and less on our intolerant ideals, and get our own economy into high gear.  We’re free to get back into space, the final frontier and last hope for mankind.  We’re free to kick-start our education system, to get away from testing math and get back to teaching math.  We’re free to figure out the difference between violence and nudity and consider which is more offensive to God – any God – and which we should tolerate less, more to the point.  We’re free, on this 4th of July, to do all of these things. 

It’s easy to love this country without thinking too much.   Exercise your freedoms this year.  They were hard won, and they remain hard fought by our soldiers today.  Be worthy of them. 

You’ll love it more.

Same to you, buddy!

28 June, 2011 | | 1 Comment

The Irony Gods were watching out for me this morning.  Driving to work, a guy in a gray Hyundai pulled up next to me at a stop light, rolled down his window, and yelled “Hey Buddy!”  I turned, prepared to give him my patented “Armed Response Look Number 4,” when he followed it up with “You have a brake light out.” 

Ah, a good Samaritan.  “Thank you,” I shouted back.  He pulled in front of me. 

He had a brake light out.

It turns out that he works in the same location I do, and I followed him for the next 5 miles, off and on.  I finally pulled up next to him at a stop light, motioned for him to roll down his window, and said, “You *do* know that you have a brake light out also, right?” 

He gave me what I’m certain was his patented “You have *got* to be kidding me, asshole” look number 2, and said “No…  Are you kidding me?”

“Nope, driver’s side brake light, and may the blessings of the Irony Gods be on us both!” 

I’m still not sure he believed me, which will make it all the sweeter when he checks his brake lights tonight and realizes that I wasn’t kidding.  I had to tell him, though – Karma dictated no other course.

If we’re known by our enemies…

1 June, 2011 | | 2 Comments

There was a story in the news the other day that is just too good not to comment on.  The Phelpsian Asshats at the Westboro Baptist Church were once again promoting their asshattery – and this time they wanted to prove what a bunch a narrowminded jerks they are in front of Arlington National Cemetery, while the President led Memorial Day observances at the Tomb of the Unknowns.  

They’re out there exercising their right to free speech – letting us all know that “we shouldn’t idolize the dead, especially those who died for an unrighteous cause.”  Like, you know, defending their right to free speech.  Asshats.

Anyway, who’s out there protesting the protesters?  A bunch of folks!  Since this is DC, with a good rally and some social twick-or-tweeting, we can get 4-5 deep:  The marchers, the march-protesters, those protesting the march-protesters, those people out to protest the people protesting the protesters, and so on.  If they’re not wearing badges, you need a scorecard.  And that’s just a Tuesday.

So the Westboro Asshats aren’t there alone.  They have enemies, out to protest them.  Included in those numbers, it turned out, was the Ku Klux Klan.

Neil Gaiman found himself in a public tiff with an idiot a few weeks ago, and was heard to remark:  “If a man is known by his enemies, I think my stock just went up a little.”

When even the KKK thinks your position is outside the pale, and that you might be a little narrowminded about all this, well, I think Westboro’s stock just went down – a lot.   I hadn’t thought they could get lower, but they did.  The best comment I’ve heard on the whole thing was that we should find a way to get both groups in a steel-cage deathmatch.  Who would win?  We would – I’m not opening the cage.  Ever.

Still here?

22 May, 2011 | | No Comment

Man, what did we do wrong?  I am just shocked – shocked, I say – to find that we’re all still here.  God must have a soft spot for Bourbon, though – sometime during the Preakness, several mint julips appear to have been caught up in the Rapture.  I’m sure I don’t know where they went. 

Well, back on our heads.  I sure wouldn’t have missed the Donald’s hair, though.

Happy Rapture to All, and to All a Good Night!

21 May, 2011 | | 7 Comments

So there we have it, it’s Rapture day.  We’ve got about 2 hours (local time) until we can start looting our glorious brothers and sisters are called to their reward.  I’ve tallied up all the things that people wrote in that they’re Not Gonna Miss, and I wanted to share the results with you now…  (Not that it will matter soon.)

Not Gonna Miss

Not Gonna Miss


There were some overlaps with my list, of course:

Number 10:  Donald Trump’s Hair.
Number 9:  People who can’t drive in bad weather.
Number 8:  Annoying Facebook status update memes.
Number 7:  Cheap Beer.
Number 6:  Natural Disasters.
Number 5:  Prophesies about the End of the World that turn out to be wrong.
Number 4:  Organized religions.
Number 3:  Dieting.
Number 2:  Celebrities who can’t handle celebrity.
Number 1:  Watching the Chicago Cubs blow the pennant every damn year.

Thank all of you who posted with the things that you’re Not Gonna Miss as well!  It’s been delightful knowing you all, and I’m sure we’ll all have Great Fun once we’re caught up in a few hours.  Unless, you know, this becomes another damn Number 5 (above)…